Here I am again finding myself in the grey area between 12 weeks and 24… the dreadful 12 week span that happens when you are over the first trimester hump but your baby wouldn’t survive outside of your body. I found this time really challenging when I was pregnant with Bean Sprout and I am finding it even worse this time with Skywalker. Worse for a few reasons. First, because I have found this whole pregnancy to be more emotionally challenging than the first time. I was so sure IVF would work that when it did I felt really confident in Bean Sprout and that pregnancy. I had a hard time during these middle weeks but I mostly clung to my certainty that we’d earned this baby. This time I was thrown for the loop of finding out I was pregnant without expecting to be and I haven’t been able to fully recover my center since. The whole pregnancy just feels so much less certain. There’s no actual reason to feel like this but it’s hard to shake anyway.
Second, due to my still birthday training ( which has been amazing!) I now know that after 17 weeks but before 24 your baby is likely to be born alive but die shortly after. Ok, awesome. That would just about wreck anyone I think. Especially if born before 21 weeks when hospitals generally don’t even try to set you up with a NICU consult. TERROR. Feelings being what they are, and that is to say, not rational. I am pretty excited to get on with this part and hop on over into 24 week land. My only saving grace is that between week 17 and 24 I have 2 birthdays, a baby shower to attend and Christmas/new years. By the time all that has been had and I come up for air I will be in a much better spot for viability. The new year can’t get here fast enough.