*Trigger Warning: This post documents my surprise ‘natural’ conception the month leading up to our FET. I know this kind of post can be really difficult to stomach and I understand if you need to skip it today. XOXXO*
We had to cancel our FET cycle. I don’t even understand how to say this properly- but I’m pregnant. Without doing the FET. I know, I know… “But Kaeleigh weren’t you on the Suprefact?!” Well, yes, I very much was. Here’s what happened.
As per my last post, I was waiting and waiting for my period. I was beyond bloated, and had so many cramps, and I was just miserable waiting for it to arrive. I was so super excited to get on with the FET cycle and every day it was late made me cringe with how it would throw all my dates and planning out the window. When you have a young kiddo to add into the treatment circus you want childcare, that requires pretty precise dates to be covered… Late periods are NOT SIMPATICO with that!
So on day 2 of late period, I started thinking about testing. Not because I had any idea it might be positive but because I was beyond pissed off. I was sure that the Suprefact had fucked with my cycle. Which it super can! I had to travel the upcoming week and wasn’t wanting to fuck around with the dates by that much time. I wanted to test so that I could call my RE and demand period inducing protocol to take with me on my trip. Yes, you read that right, I was so gung-ho about doing the FET that I was willing to FORCE my period to come while on holiday. I didn’t test that morning… I told myself that I would test the next day. But as the day wore on I had just an ungodly amount of cramps but no bleeding and I got very impatient. So I did something I NEVER EVER DO. I tested in the afternoon.
I want you to understand how blindsided I was, I had no idea in my head that I could be pregnant this month. This was the first month in a year that we hadn’t timed sex. I had been on the Suprefact nasal spray for 2 weeks at 5x a day to turn off my ovaries. We were scheduled to do our transfer in 2 weeks time. For the first time in forever pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind.
If it’s surely going to be negative, why not test in the middle of the damn afternoon?! That was my rationale anyway. So, as I got Bean Sprout up from his nap, I gathered a First Response test from the drawer. We are thinking of potty training soon so he came into the bathroom with me. We talked about the pee pee stick and he helped me flush the toilet and as I set the test down to wash my hands I absentmindedly glanced at it… and it was already freaking positive! I seriously just blinked at it for a full minute. Then I freaked the fuck out. I screamed and jumped around shrieking “Oh my god! Oh my fucking god!! It’s positive!… Oh, SHIT!” Oh, shit because I was on hormone meds to turn off my ovaries and what the fuck does that even mean?! (Side note: poor Bean Sprout was highly terrified by my behavior and started crying and had to be appeased with Elmo so I could phone my doctor.)
At this point, I was still clearly in shock and shaking. I hurriedly dialed my RE’s office and spoke to the receptionist who was just the sweetest. She told me congrats and that I had ‘made her day’. She also put me straight through to the nursing desk, usually, you have to call and leave a message and it’s a huge runaround. I didn’t have to deal with any fucking run around. I wish I could thank her because by the time the nurse picked up the shock was wearing off and I was SOBBING. The nurse informed me that it really was ok to be on the Suprefact and that it won’t cause problems with the baby. She instructed me to come off of it immediately and to start myself on progesterone that day because my ovaries are downregulated they do that as a precaution so that the pregnancy is supported adequately.
She also told me that this actually happens a couple of times a year with people down-regulating and it’s because the way the medicine works is it tells your body to make a shit ton of hormone and then your ovaries are like, “WOAH! Holy, there’s too much hormone! STOP PRODUCING HORMONES!!!” And then they go quiet. Well, sometimes the initial surge kicks off a hard ovulation and you can get pregnant. She also told me congratulations and left me with my mouth hanging open.
Luckily, since I was already actively cycling I had all my meds with me at home. Including progesterone, so there was no freak out trying to go get that asap. Once I had shoved the progesterone tablets as far up my snatch as I could I sat down and just stared at the positive test. It was a good positive. Not as dark as the control line but definitely there. Not a squinter. This is only the second time I have ever had a positive test result in 4+ years of trying. The first time was with Bean Sprout. So then came the task of telling hubby.
How do you tell the man who thinks your ovaries went to sleep and that you’d be doing a transfer in 2 weeks that you are actually already freaking pregnant?! Unlike the last time I was totally unprepared for this outcome and so I toyed with a few ideas but settled on using Bean Sprout. You see we had been prepping him for the transfer. Every time my alarm went off to take the Suprefact we would dance around singing “let’s make a baby” and we kept telling him that we were going to put a baby in mommy’s tummy. So I told my 20-month old that there WAS a baby in mommy’s tummy and asked him to kiss it.
To his credit, the kid played his role to a T.
I hit record Bean sprout leans in and kisses my belly. I ask him what he’s doing and he says “Baby kisses!” before wrapping my belly in the sweetest hug and sighing. I mean, he nailed it really. So I wiped away misty tears and sent the video to my husband. Then I asked if he was planning on coming home soon. He said probably not that he was headed to the party straight from work (did I mention, he was due to go to a party that evening? I am such a buzz kill!) I told him maybe he should come home instead. He asked why. I asked if he’d watched the video. He responded with “Yeah… did you test preggo?!” To which I sent him a picture of the test.
Cue swearing and disbelief. From us both. He decided to skip the party, lol.
I went to the doctor first thing the next morning and confirmed it with another pee test in office. And they sent me for 3 Betas over the next week. Becuase they were done through my family doctor and not through my RE they do not update you with each blood test. I had to wait until they were all in before they would tell me anything. And even then they would only disclose results in person. So, at the end of the week, I made my way back to the dr to find out how the numbers stacked up. Betas were 93, 202, and 648. Strong and more than doubling every 48 hours.
Hallelujah! Sticky bean.
So, it is with complete disbelief and shock that I announce we will not be doing the FET this month. Instead, it turns out I am already freaking pregnant. Due date is May the 4th… Star Wars Day. Which is just fucking perfect because it appears “the force” is strong with this one. Becuase of the due date I’ll refer to this one as Skywalker on the blog.
Fingers crossed for a healthy babe that continues to grow and develop well. I have no history of loss so I am trying to remain optimistic. Though I have to admit, it feels somehow more precarious and fleeting than it did after IVF. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s real and that if it implanted it was probably a strong good embryo. I remind myself often that all our embryos during our cycle were of good quality and that the GETTING pregnant was the part I struggled with. Trying so hard to keep my chin up. I don’t really know what to say, other than it’s a mother-fucking miracle!
* Note: While I appreciate that this news might be met with some derision from the community I also know that it is important for me to live my truth and be real with all you readers out there. Crazy as it seems, freak natural pregnancies are a thing that happens in this community and so while I respect the pain this might cause I will not be coming to bat about it. My heart goes out to you all. But if you come at me about this pregnancy expect only static in return.*