Good morning Lovelies,
Holy Twitter-rage, Batman! This past week was an eye opening experience for me on Twitter. Last Christmas season I wasn’t on it. I wallowed alone. This year I was able to wallow with others who understood how hard this journey can be. On one had… great! There was a lot of support going around for those in the trenches. Thank god! I really needed it. However, there seemed to be a disturbing lack of support for those who are no longer trying… Those who were pregnant or who had decided to remain childless. It was incredibly unsettling. The IF (infertility) community is a safe haven! It needs to be in a world that mainly celebrates fertility and reproductive success. But the need for support doesn’t end when treatment stops. Support NEEDS to be extended to all members who have traveled this horrid road. I want to address the two threads that I found most upsetting head on.
1. Pregnant after infertility- without treatment:
When an IF member becomes pregnant, miraculously might I add, without treatment… support them. Congratulate them. Pregnancy after IF, no matter HOW it is achieved, is stressful and scary. These people still need our support. This person has been down the road you are on, has gone through all the same treatments and truly understands. Yes, Christmas can hurt like hell. Seeing others get what you’ve been asking Santa for sucks, but for Christ’s sake, do not attack them. If you need to protect yourself please unfollow them but don’t lash out. Allow them to enjoy their pregnancy as much as they can. Sonograms and other announcements about the baby are almost inevitable. IF changed much of their life and forever corrupted their journey to parenthood, please don’t take the small joys of pregnancy away from them as well. May I just say, ladies, I am so beyond thrilled for you! Congrats on achieving your miracle. If others aren’t being supportive… Fuck ’em.
2. Childfree after infertility:
When someone decides that they cannot continue treatment any longer and chooses not to proceed with adoption they still need our support. It is incredibly sad that so many of the “childfree” after infertility feel unsupported in our circle. While the hope is that you are taking back control of your life and finding new joys after treatment there will always be times when your IF past haunts your present. Especially when we as a nation stop to celebrate a fucking immaculate conception. So when you notice someone going through hell, even though they are no longer going through treatment, reach out to them. Help them through this rough patch. Their stories have meaning. Their experience adds value to the community as a whole. We don’t all come out the other end with a baby. That’s valid and needs to be addressed. If any of my more positive comments hurt these individuals over the holiday I apologize. I see your pain, I acknowledge your journey, I respect that it’s hard. I send you nothing but love and support!
In closing, remember that the end of this journey does not undo the years of pain and tribulation. Though these individuals have moved on from treatment it does not mean that IF is less important or central in their lives. If you can’t handle someone, unfollow. If you choose not to unfollow know that the web community is a safe haven and needs to be respected as such. Don’t cut down or diminish those that need this space to navigate their lingering uncertainty and pain. Don’t let your personal pain corrupt this space for others.