Hey Lovelies,
Something that I thought a lot about when I was trying to get pregnant was how much the other people in my life also wanted me to get pregnant. I was desperate for it, for myself and my husband, but I also felt badly for all the other people in my life that weren’t getting to experience the joy of being an Aunt or a Grandparent. Like it or not fertility doesn’t just involve the people that would be parents. So it makes sense that, now that we have become parents, it’s also a bit more a of a shared experience than I’d always like. You find that you are often parenting in front of others. You know, people always have opinions, about everything. Babies included. Maybe especially babies. They want to make sure you are doing the best for them. I have been around family A LOT this summer and sometimes it was a little annoying having to field opinions I disagreed with, or sometimes feeling judged, even for doing good things for my baby. But… Then I’d watch as Bean Sprout lit up at the sight of those people. Or how when he was crying and wouldn’t sleep they sang to him in the dark with a guitar. Or how, without needing to be told, they knew that he likes head hugs (where you lean heads together). And I was grateful. Because, agree with all those opinions or not, this is what it’s about. Everyone having the experience of this tiny babe. I am so glad, for all of us, that we can have it!
XOXXO,
The Chicken
So true that infertility in a couple impacts more than just the couple. My in laws will never become grandparents and they would be amazing grandparents. My parents may or may not become grandparents. It hurts them too knowing that it wasn’t our choice to be childless and hurts them not being able to give to children in their old age.
Greg,
It is so impactful for so many of our relationships. I give a lecture on this because i think it’s an often overlooked part of infertility.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Agreed! very good post. It’s taken us well over 10 years to have gotten pregnant. Its something my in-laws almost gave up on. They have grandchildren – but in a different state. They have now, literally changed their retirement plans b/c we have twin babies for them to love on. They’re “in the neighborhood” every weekend now đ <3
Kimberly,
How amazing for you to be so close to family so often! Especially with twins, I assume it’s quite necessary actually lol. Ours all live 3+ hours away but it is nice when we can all get together.
XOXXO, The Chicken
That’s a very sweet little post, Chicken
Different Shores,
Thanks!
XOXXO, The Chicken
I agree, it’s wonderful to see the little ones interact with family. It is about so much more than the nuclear family (though what that “more” looks like will vary for people). And sometimes you do just have to shrug and smile and say “people be people, we will all survive.” I’m lucky in that I pretty much taught all my family growing up that I like to do things my own way and that I don’t care for unsolicited advice hahaha.
Turtle,
LOL yes, my parents saying used to be “water off a ducks back” I’m trying to implement that mentality when necessary.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I remember feeling very anxious about the idea of learning to parent under the watchful and sometimes judgemental eye of my mother-in-law. It’s nice to see that, if I had had the chance, there is the other side to it too. Really lovely post.
Mali,
I’m so glad you liked it! There are always opinions that you’ll disagree with regarding parenting but I was really pretty overwhelemed by the love and beauty of it all instead this time. Which was a nice surprise!
XOXXO, The Chicken
Thanks for the very thoughtful post. In our case, we were older when we got married and first tried to have children so there weren’t grandparents left to join in, advise, etc. However, we had, especially when my kids were babies, what I consider to be several “visits” from the grandparents. So they were there to enjoy them but not to interfere. You could say we, literally, had the best of both worlds.
Lori,
That sounds like it was lovely.
XOXXO, The Chicken
A sweet post. That is what it’s all about; widening the circle and bringing all those voices in because they often come with good stuff (as well as sometimes annoying stuff).
Mel,
Yes, finding the good has made the annoying much easier to cope with.
XOXXO, The Chicken