Hey Lovelies,
Just a quick rant about baby milestones. When the hell did it become ‘normal’ for kiddos to reach milestones super early?! I feel like there are the actual guidelines that Dr.’s follow regarding a milestone and then there is the expectation of other people and moms in your social group. Yeah sure, your not actually delayed in rolling unless baby doesn’t do it by 8 months, and even then it’s not necessarily cause for concern, but in reality if your baby isn’t rolling by 5 months your looked at a little funny. Crawling? Not a problem unless not doing it by 12 months. Not in my experience though, better have that down by 8 months! Walking? Buy a walker because they better be doing that by a year!
Ok, maybe I’m a little over sensitive. Bean Sprout isn’t yet rolling and isn’t crawling and certainly isn’t walking. We’re 6 and a half months over here and all we’ve managed is sitting independently. Which in itself is super early, since he’s been doing it since 5 months. But that’s about all he has want to do.
Maybe he’s just chill. Maybe he’s not in any hurry to get up and go. That’s fine! It’s a good thing, actually, since we haven’t baby proofed, like, at all!
So I think I need to take a leaf out of his book and fucking chill. There is no correlation between your baby being early at milestones and being a genius, or a cello prodigy, or a math wizard, or all star MVP of their sport. North American mindset be damned, it is not a race to the finish line! He’ll get there. When hes good and ready. And until then I’m going to focus on enjoying a slow coffee sip while he can’t move off his mat.
Inhale… Exhale.
The Chicken
YES. A hundred times YES. Leo doesn’t walk along the couch or crawl or anything at 9 months and I’m looking around my mommy group furtively like oh god.. What’s wrong with my baby? Is he not GENIUS ENOUGH?! But I have to assume that you would post about babes sitting independently at 5 months and wouldn’t post about him not rolling.. Whereas I would post about Leo’s bizarrely advanced understanding of humor and not that he can’t quite crawl yet.. Right? That’s what I figure at least. So we all begin to judge milestones off the one-off babies that reach them early, I think. At least that’s how I’ve felt in my bump group!
Cheryl,
YES! Exactly. It is normal to brag and hide any ways babe is lagging but it DOES make the norm feel like a delay! I love that… IS HE NOT GENIUS ENOUGH?! That is exactly how I feel lol.
XOXXO, The Chicken
We went through this with She-Beat. So much unsolicited and unhelpful advice, which was terribly painful. I felt myself drawing away from others and feeling so guilty for not doing enough for my little girl.
I learned a lot during intervention. I learned the importance of following my gut, determining when it was time to seek help. I learned how to gently call others out on the hurtful things they were saying, educating them about what was happening while pointing out that we needed support, not added stress (those were always eye-opening moments). I also learned that those who push these milestones tend to do so behind fear. It’s one thing to be excited about your own child, but another to compete.
Ironically enough, those same people who pushed the milestones have been crushed when their child is outside the normal range for something. One mother who was so proud of her child gaining weight just got hit with hearing her toddler is at risk for obesity. Another that was so proud of their child waking is struggling because her son is struggling with his fine motor skills. Everyone will encounter something. Compassion is key and competition is unnecessary.
Cristy,
I agree. I participated in intense OT, PT, and Speech for one of the kiddos I nannied and think intervention is the bomb diggity. We aren’t there yet as he is still showing other signs of progressing his movements. Our Dr. isn’t concerned, he’s only 6 months, I was just feeling jealous and guilty of that jealousy lol. But yes everyone will have something and its good to keep yourself in check and use compassion. As with everything.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about intervention. He’s only 6 months old. My point for sharing my story with you is not to push intervention but to point out that the milestone rat race is bogus. Until your pediatrician or a trusted member of your care team is telling you that you need it, ignore the inner guilt you hear from those conversations.
She-Beat is rocking at the moment. She’s ahead for fine motor skills and has more than made up for gross motor (turns out ear tubes solved it all). In addition, both Beats are scoring high for intelligence. We don’t push this, but there are parents who use to push the milestone markers who have been clearly upset by what the Beats are now demonstrating. Which drives me crazy.
Every child is different. Focus on that. And trust your gut.
Cristy,
Absolutely, he did finally roll over right before hitting 7 months. But it is good to know others experiences and it’s true wait for an ‘expert’ to voice an opinion, the other moms/family members are full of bull shit.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I agree with the above comment, that knowing your child and trusting your instincts is really best. Yes, there are guidelines to the milestones, but that is just to help medical staff and early intervention therapists gauge when something is off and to fill out insurance forms (I wish I were kidding about that!). My little guy didn’t sit up before he rolled over and he was crawling and still not sitting. Because his pre-natal care was unknown, he was born with drugs in his system (enough for him to withdrawal for roughly the first three months of his life), and he was in foster care, it made sense to move forward and he is still receiving early intervention services (he turned 2 today!) because he struggles in certain areas. He’s not really developmentally behind, he just struggles with certain milestones. I really had to push to get him a speech therapist because no one was worried about him not being able to say words before he was two. It turns out he might have Childhood Apraxia of Speech which requires a LOT of extensive therapies over the course of perhaps years. You are right in thinking your little guy might just be super chill. He’ll move when he wants to. My mom described me as not terribly interested in learning to crawl or walk, but I was speaking very young and became quite a chatterbox. I’m the oldest, so when my brother came along my mom thought he would be the same as me and he turned out to be the opposite. She jokes he never learned to crawl or walk, he saw me and just started running! Enjoy the non-mobile times because one he starts moving, he won’t stop!! 🙂
Ashley,
Yes, it is all about that particular kiddo. If he has a toy hes happy as a clam to ignore all other non reachable things and chill there. Placing things out of his reach usually just ends in a huge melt down because he gets frustrated with his inability to move towards it. HAHA toddler years should be fun with this one, we will have to work on anger and persistence for sure! lol He is progressing in a lot of other areas and is definitely ahead on verbal which often happens. No cause for worry yet. I went through intense OT,PT,Speech with one of the boys I nannied. You’re in good hands. and good on you for being such a wonderful advocate for that love bug! Happy 2nd b day to him!!
XOXXO, The Chicken
Good advice! All kids are different. Some tend to be more physical, reaching those types of milestones earlier than their peers, but maybe not reaching verbal milestones until a little later. Others are the reverse. Some skip crawling altogether; others realize that crawling is pretty damn efficient, why fix it if it ain’t broken? It’s one thing to be proud of your kid for reaching a milestone early (or whenever), but it’s not cool to imply that anything else means there’s something wrong with someone else’s kid. In the long run, it doesn’t matter. Even kids who actually are behind in some areas can make up for it and eventually they will be on par with their peers. My nephew is one of them. For the first 6 years of his life, he was plagued with clogged ears, going through multiple sets of tubes before finally having surgery when he was 6. His language was delayed, and he was held back a year to repeat kindergarten. The surgery allowed him to finally hear correctly, and with the help of speech therapy, he’s right where he should be now, at age 8.
Kitten,
Totally, no delays yet, but if they happen we would tackle them and it all seems to wash out in the end (with appropriate intervention).
XOXXO, The Chicken
We adopted our daughter when she was a year and two weeks old. she was just sitting up with no real reason to go places. She was well over 18 months when she walked. She crawled mostly after walking. Before walking she rolled to get from place to place. My husband thought we should put double-sided sticky-tape on her and clean the house when she rolled. (we didn’t!)
There were so many “helpful” people who knew all about “Those children.” from China.
If your gut tells you intervention is required, do so.
In our case we pursued intervention and that helped.
Journeywoman,
It is absolutely about knowing your kid. If there comes a time that we need intervention it will be sought and I know he will benefit. Glad it helped you.
XOXXO, The Chicken
All kids develop at their own pace. That is so easy to say, but so much harder to follow and acknowledge in daily life. Now that I have my two, it is just amazing to see how much alike and different they are and when they reach their own milestones. My son didn’t walk independently until he started daycare. The other kids were a great inspiration. My girl, she was up and running by 11 months to keep up with her brother. My son started talking early and has never stopped. My girl, she hasn’t said a word yet (1yr 3mo) of her own accord. She can copy/mimic easily. I can’t wait for her to start talking (or rather, maybe I can), but I know she will do it in her own time.
As for crawling…I believe that is not an actual milestone that has to be reached, as not all kids do it and it isn’t “needed” to move forward with other skills. Walking, that’s a milestone. As others said, you know your boy. Follow your gut!
JustHeather,
They certainly do. It’s pretty cool to see how different they can be.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Chilled out babies are awesome! I have one too. She crawled at 10 months, walked at 18. I never worried because it was/is so obvious she was happy and learning. But yes everyone wants to believe their child is a genius because he/she has a early milestone. But mainly they are all little humans with their own personalities and they know how to focus on what is important to them. It really is ok that your son would rather chill on his mag than tear up your house.
Turtle,
It is! If he has a toy he’s happy to make due with it and ignore the ones that are too far haha. He is also a really good communicator already. Makes noises for yes and noises for no (or agreeing/approving and disagreeing) and I think that might be part of it. He can whine and grab for and babble and sigh so that I know what he’s after and gets frustrated when I don’t help him get the toy or move off his belly into a sitting position. He also frustrates easily when his body doesn’t do what he wants and just gives up and cries. Persistence will be an area we need to work on later haha.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Being normal is boring. I’m sure your son will be as unique and special as you are.?
Greg,
True that.
XOXXO, The Chicken