*Trigger Warning: Discusses my feelings on the holiday now that I’ve had the Bean Sprout. Even though I’m a cynic on this holiday, Mother’s Day can be really fucking hard when trying. Please take care of yourselves and only read if you feel able. XOXXO*
Dear Lovelies,
How is it even possible that I’ve never written about Mother’s Day?! Actually, I guess it makes sense. If you are infertile you likely closet yourself into a dark hole on that day and definitely stay the fuck off social media. So what would have been the point of writing a post no one wanted to read and having to put myself through social media torture to publish it? Ah, yes… that’s why I haven’t done this before!
Now, admittedly, Mother’s Day was never a painful trigger for me. My worst triggers were always my birthday and Christmas. I tried to mostly avoid Mother’s Day, really. But this year is different… I now qualify as a part of the totally underwhelmingly average fertile woman’s club. Or, put another way, now I’m a mom.
…Yay?
I mean, obviously, yay I have Bean Sprout! But do I really identify with this holiday now that I’m a mom? Hmmmm. Nope, not really. I mean, I hope that when he’s older and can make me macaroni cards I will be more likely to swoon about it. But, really, I always thought this was sort of silly. You pushed a baby out of your vag, or what have you, and now you get cake every year? Are we even sure you’re a COMPETENT mother? Never mind a great one deserving of cake?!
Perhaps this is a true hold over from my infertility journey. Whoop-dee-doo you boinked and popped out a kid. By all means, let’s celebrate your highly overrated ability to procreate! Should we celebrate the woman down the street who has four kids she doesn’t give a damn about? How about the socialite that hasn’t been home to kiss her child goodnight or read a story once in the last month? Does she deserve a card and cake?! GAH!!
Also, it’s a blatant card holiday. You know, like Valentine’s day… Invented for the express purpose to sell freaking kitschy, sappy, cards. Gag. So, if mother’s day is a trigger for you, I feel you sister. It triggers me, too. It triggers the rage!
Ahem. So, this mother’s day, as I celebrate with my long wanted baby, I will ponder what kind of a mother I am becoming. Do I deserve cake? Will my child be proud of the mother I am? Will he want to make me macaroni cards and buy me presents? Will I be worthy of this stupid ass holiday? I hope so. So, if you need me, I’ll be in the corner pondering that.
Cheers,
The Chicken
Hope you had a great first Mother’s Day!
Greg,
It was pretty good, brunch with friends. Thanks for checking in.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Yeah, still not a fan of this holiday, for many of the reasons you said. But also because I don’t want special recognition for this role. Having the Beats was my choice and I don’t see it as necessary to announce my role in their lives from the rooftops.
We spent the day together gardening and sharing time with those we love. Which included our amazing landlady who is sharing some garden space with us. So we honored her. Seemed like a fitting way to spend the day.
Cristy,
It’s just so… blase as holidays go. Over and above everything else listed. I’m glad you had a good day.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I’m pretty sure Mother’s Day is more about erm…. appreciation for what you do as a mother and less about pushing anything out of your vagina or cake. I don’t think it has anything at all to do with being a biological mother, either, or is about ranking your maternal quality and providing material goods accordingly. Nah, I just wanted to sleep in for once since the baby was born and hear my husband say he thinks I’m actually nailing it. That might be what Mother’s Day means to most..
Cheryl,
Really?! You think thats what it’s ACTUALLY about?… I mean, obviously it’s about that too. I just think it’s also about the things I listed. I too enjoyed a mini break and a little bit of pampering, who doesn’t like that? I’m glad that’s what it means to you!
XOXXO, The Chicken
Haha, I don’t really like Mother’s Day either. I don’t like feeling pressured to say sappy things on social media or elsewhere about my relationships. All the “my mom is the BEST EVER” can start to feel like one-up manship, although I’m sure it’s not meant that way. Having said that I always get my mom a card and a small gift because I don’t want her to feel left out (although she never seemed to care much about the day, either). As for what I’d like, some small considerate act means a lot (on Sunday my husband planned a bike ride and a picnic supper, which was lovely). And I imagine I’ll get crafts and things from AJ when she’s older, but I really don’t want her to feel pressured to do things because 1) it’s not her job to pump up my ego and 2) I hope to raise a child who’s considerate and grateful most of the time, who doesn’t have to make up for a lot of neglect on a certain day of the year.
Turtle,
Yes, I think small acts of compassion to the lactating, sleep deprived, zombie of the house is the best Mother’s Day gift ever. I do hope that, as a mother, I am treated well by my baby and my husband all the days of the year. Not just the one.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Yeah, not a huge fan of MD. But, I appreciate that my husband tries to do a little something extra on that day.
Rain,
Yes, me too. It’s nice when they try to be extra sweet, whatever day they choose to do that on!
XOXXO, The Chicken
“Do I deserve cake?” It’s a good standard to have. I like spending time with my mother every day of the year, but even so, I also like seeing her on Mother’s Day. To me, it’s more of a time I lay off myself and don’t berate myself if I’m not doing everything on my to-do list. Same with my birthday. Though I always wonder how every person can have the best mother ever… Seems like something that couldn’t be infinite, nu?
Mel,
I like that idea. I should adopt it. I find I am constantly over analyzing all my motherly choices and berating myself. It’s not a good way to live. I like using it as a day to remember that no mother is perfect, and I probably DO deserve cake.
XOXXO, The Chicken