Hey Lovelies,
I was musing the other day about how I am moving forward in my journey. How things are shifting and changing. Because after 3 years TTC I got my first ever BFP– through IVF. So, now what? What does this mean about who I am in this community? I LIKE who I’ve become, who I am when I help others struggling with this condition. I want to advocate. I want to support you. However, is that still possible? Can I maintain that? Can I still be helpful here?
I want to think- Yes. I want to try.
The infertility community has been a saving grace for so many, including me. All the diverse stories and diagnosis’ are necessary in this space. No matter why you’re infertile you’re heard, understood. I believe this includes the so called “success stories”. I know that can be hard. Hearing of a person’s pregnancy, even an IF friend who gets it, can be a knife to the heart. But there is still value. Because those stories, of people achieving pregnancy and then parenthood, allow hope to enter this space. This is a dark space and there’s so much pain. I know that the pain is necessary, but so is its counterpoint- hope. Without it it’s easy to forget, in our darkest hour, why we’re walking this path. Why do we walk forward?
I want to offer that hope and hold your hand while you struggle. I want to assure you that I remember. Our stories may not be the same, but this pain is something I have lived through.
When it hurts know that there is light. For some, it’s true, that may not come from parenthood, although we all hope for that ending. Yet, even without achieving parenthood there can be periods of light! Even when you are still in active treatment! And I want to remind you of that, too. Will you let me help you walk forward?
These moments of hope- during treatment cycles, months off, during the dreaded TWW. Find those moments of hope and allow them to grow.
And then, reach out!
Be that spark of light to someone else, too.
Allow your light to shine brightly. Your story.
Allow others to be that spark for you.
Even success stories. Even me… As I journey further into my pregnancy I humbly ask that you allow me to continue to walk with you. We all need help walking forward. You are not alone. Let’s do this, together.
XOXXO,
The Chicken
I’m glad you brought this up. It’s a topic that turned into a Twitter disagreement (to put it mildly) the other day (as you well know). Some people need to leave the community to protect themselves emotionally, and others want to stay because they remember the pain, just like you mentioned. They want to advocate and support others going through what they considered the most challenging time of their lives. I think you have a wealth of experience and support to offer the community, and if you’re inclined to stay, I believe you should!
Jen,
Whoooo boy, do I ever! I think that yes, this is always a very personal decision. I can only speak to my own feelings, and really only to how they are now, I am not sure how they will change and morph over time. I can say that as long as I am able I would like to continue to contribute to this community.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I could have written much this post too. Yes, when it hurts, know there is light. This journey ends, one way or the other – it doesn’t go on forever, even though it seems that way at times! I talk about climbing out of the trenches and into the light, and that’s why I blog – to let people know that the No Kidding life is good too. And that’s what is so lovely about this community – that we are all here.
You are well-intentioned. Just be aware that your pregnancy will be too hard for some to take just now, that your offer of help comes too soon. Some will be able to walk with you and will take hope from your pregnancy, others will find that it kills their hope, stresses their inability to get a positive, and is a knife to the heart. Just as some take comfort in my assurances that they will be okay, whatever happens, and others don’t believe it, and even get angry at the suggestion. My advice therefore, is no matter how people react, please don’t take it personally.
Mali,
I absolutely agree. I have tried to remain honest and acknowledge how hard my success can be for others. Its a hard balance but I’m trying. I don’t take it personally when others need to step back for their own sanity and safety. This happens often, I have SO been there before. I keep shining my little light and hope that if and when they need me again I am still here.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I love this post. Infertility seems like an ever-evolving experience, no two stories are the same, and all trajectories follow slightly different (sometimes wildly different) paths. I think having many voices is a good thing, and you have such perspective on your own journey that includes pregnancy after IVF that is so helpful. Shining a light back to the dark is so valuable. Varied perspectives are so valuable. YOU are so valuable! Love, love, love this post.
Jess,
That it is! Thank you so much for your kind words and always for your support! Love to you!
XOXXO, The Chicken
I think you’re doing a fantastic job of helping infertiles even while pregnant! You give me hope and laughter and PRACTICAL advice (not like”just relax”..), all of which are hard to come by when you’re going through treatment after treatment. I think you’re fully capable of advocating and supporting!
Much love to you! <3
~ Renuka 🙂
Renuka,
I’m so glad to continue being a light for you friend! I was so worried that it would be too hard on your end, but would totally have understood! Glad it didn’t happen and you feel I’m navigating it well. You have also been very gracious and understanding. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
XOXXO, The Chicken