Hey Lovelies,
I apologize, but today’s post is going to be brief. We finished our first round of IUI and I diligently went in for blood work yesterday. Well results are in. And no, they aren’t what I was hoping for. Negative. Again. Even though treatment was substantially ramped up this time. Even though hubby’s numbers were great. Even though I felt myself ovulate the same day as IUI. Even though I was on Clomid and progesterone and had NO spotting…
Negative.
Fuck.
I lay in bed and cried for an hour after the phone call. Resulting in a massive migraine that I will probably have for the remainder of the day. Aside from giving myself a massive headache that Advil can’t touch, I also cried out all of my feelings. Which means I’m in the weird hinterlands of not happy or sad… barely alive is the closest feeling to it. I lay here like a slug and can’t eat or sleep or cry, I just plain can’t today guys. I was going to post a really long awesome post today… and I just don’t have it in me. I apologize. Today is a bad day. Check back in Monday when we will return to your regularly scheduled programming.
Sob,
Unpregnant Chicken
P.S. I chose to post this as I felt guilty for not contributing to the blog today on a scheduled day and I wanted you to understand. Also, even when it’s hard, I vowed to be open and honest. So, here I am. Broken and damaged and hurting.
Xoxo
XOXXO Back, hubby.
You are not alone, and I understand the pain. And somebody really smart said to me a few weeks ago, “Allow yourself the day to feel broken … that’s the only thing that helps …”. And she was right. Sending you healing thoughts and love and hugs.
Thank you, Renuka. I appreciate the support.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken
UGHHHH I hate when numbers look great and you feel a nice strong ovulation, and still…nothing. It fucking sucks. Those are the cycles that I allow myself to actually hope and wish and get excited and then when it does not work it hurts sooooo much more.
Cry it out, babe. Drink some wine. Eat chocolate, potato chips, or both! Do whatever you need to do to feel or not feel the pain.
And I’m not sure if you got my response, but it has always taken me 2 days after stopping progesterone suppositories before I get my period.
Sorry, this is Nicole at pcosandpizza.blogspot.com I am not sure how to edit the above comment but I realized after you may not know what I mean when I said I responded to you! Still new at this, sorry.
Hey Nicole,
Yup I knew it was you, sweets. Thanks for the support and insight. Two days ugh. It’s gonna be a long weekend. Xoxxo Unpregnant Chicken
I’m so sorry. It’s a terrible, hopeless place to be when you get a BFN when everything went exactly as it should have. ((Big hugs))
Jessica, so true. The. Worst. I really appreciate the support I’m getting from other bloggers. Love you guys!
Xoxxo Unpregnant Chicken
Ugh. The worst. I’m so sorry. It makes me angry that you have to go through that at all.
Don’t feel bad for needing a break, though. We all understand, and it’s important to take care of yourself in this process or it will destroy you. Don’t let it. Take some time off until you can feel OK again and know that it’s the best possible thing you can do and that you aren’t letting ANYONE down.
Love you. Stay strong.
Second Voice,
Thank you so much! I’m bouncing back fairly well. I had a mini sad face today wishing things were different and I was going to spend my weekend shopping baby gap and toys r us instead of checking the toilet paper for my imminent failure. But… Other than that. Love you back, huni.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken