Good Morning Lovelies,
Clomid is a fickle mistress. She waltzes in with her rosy ideals, perhaps on the wings of fairies.
“Did you know 50% of infertile women conceive within 3 months on me?”
“Holy wow! I’ve never had a single pregnancy. Golly gee Clomid, those numbers look fantastic!”
“Mmhmm!” She trills sweetly. “And it’s only five teeny pills! What could be easier?”
“Well, hell! Sign me up! Can I bundle it or something? You know, for better odds at a lower price?!”
… upon closer inspection, it is much more likely that they were not fairies wings she sailed in on. Soul-sucking, harpy wings is more like it. 5 tiny pills, well, that’s true. But she forgot to mention how swallowing each and every one leaves you feeling just a little bit less hopeful, just a little bit less whole. Like you really can’t function the way you are supposed to, like your eggs just don’t want to work out. Each one a shiny, white circle. Filling your shell of a being. But… being that I am so happy and positive! I try not to let that get me down! Considering Clomid is a harpy bitch, and we are no longer speaking, I have taken to talking to my eggs instead. As they are part of me, perhaps, they are more reasonable.
“Good morning eggs. Are you feeling “Pumped up” this morning?” (In the most authentic Arnold Schwarzenegger voice this petite blonde can put out)
“Ouch, mother*****, that hurt! *grab my side* Hmmm, are you feeling fat and happy this month? That’s a good thing. You go ahead and be fat. Be fat and happy about it. One of us should be allowed to be fat AND happy!”
“Come on little eggs grow, grow, grow!!!”
Did I mention Clomid can make you feel a little more crazy than normal? So, I write off this whole awkward, but none-the-less honest, blog post. Because hey… Maybe it’s the Clomid talking, but this month… this month could be it!
Love,
Unpregnant Chicken
**Update** Now that we are moving on to IVF I can honestly say that I will miss the clomid-harpy least!
I went back and read this Clomid post to see what I’m in for. Can’t wait to hallucinate fairy harpies and personify my eggs, too! Haha. I’m glad you exist to give me humor through this process.
Second Voice,
It’s now that time is it? Best of luck! Remember she’s a harpy bitch and don’t take anything she says too seriously.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken
Good luck with your IVF… I hated Clomid just the same! Lupron makes me crazy as well, but nothing is quite like the evil that is those little white pills. I love that you talked to your eggs instead… 🙂 Love the “harpy bitch” description. SO ACCURATE!
Jess,
LOL yeah it was the worst. I hope I don’t react too badly to any of the injectables. My shrink assures me nothing is like Clomid lol.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken
Last IUI I did 10 pills. TEN. I didn’t think I was going to make it. My biggest symptom…hot flashes. They basically ruin my life for a good three weeks (yes, I have residual hot flashes, even after I stop taking the pills). It’s a nightmare. I have to really psych myself up every night to take them.
Lacey,
OMG. I know someone on 15!!! I can’t even imagine. Even 5 ruin my life! lol Hopefully they work wonders for you.
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
You know, it’s funny, but I had more side effects from Clomid than I ever did from the injectible drugs. Now, I dislike injections so I wasn’t excited for needles. But I did like that I still felt myself on them.
Mel,
That’s my hope. I am very ready to feel myself again.
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
I had the same experience as Mel. Went a little crazy on the harpy bitch Clomid. Wishing you the best.
Mali,
Thank you so much for your well wishes. Clomid was very hard. Glad I’m done with that now.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken