Hello to all you Unpregnant Chicks!
This is for those of you who are trying, and by god you ARE trying, to wind up in a motherly way.
For those of you who are plugging along every month in the hopes that your tiny bean is just around the next corner… or ovulation predictor strip, as the case may be!
You have found your place- Welcome! Here we can keep plugging along together. For, I too, know what it’s like to try my darnedest to get knocked up and it was a major struggle! Even though it’s hard, I’m determined to find the lighter more sarcastic side to this journey. I want more snarkiness and less sobbing. I want more laughter and less heartache. I want more incredulity and less depression. Because this road is hard- Hard and long! And that’s precisely why we need to put some humour back into the process. I can’t go another month simply wallowing in grief. No. I Refuse! Sometimes, you just need to pick yourself back up and laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. And sometimes you need a girlfriend to help you get there. I’m that friend, let’s talk about it.
Like weight gain from treatments: How dare mother-nature give you no baby and yet the extra weight and bloating from fertility treatments?! Damn that woman in line at the grocery store for wondering how far along you are! We don’t need her shit and we certainly don’t need to go it alone.
Like advice about trying: That woman who swears her daughter finally got knocked up, “With TWINS!”, after drinking fermented mares piss, under a full moon, while buck-ass nekkid… is f-ing crazy! Probably crazier than either you or I. She’s probably incapable of shutting up at all, the poor thing. If we weren’t so wrapped up in this depressing journey it would be clear just how hilarious her statement is. I mean, fermented mares piss? Come ON! We can certainly laugh about THAT one together!
There, are you smiling yet? I could go on and on, and I will, in other posts. But for now, I am sick of pretending that this journey doesn’t hurt. It does. Let’s talk about it and shed some light on the situation. Let’s create a space where those dealing with infertility don’t feel so alone. And let’s laugh! Because laughing rocks my socks and, hopefully, yours too. Please enjoy reading these posts, smile and breathe deep. Things here in infertility land are strange and uncomfortable. Let’s try to work through it together. So, read on and feel free to write me about your experiences. We can walk this path together.
Everything is more enjoyable with a group of like-minded “chicks” anyway!
Love,
Unpregnant Chicken
I’m ready to get snarky and laugh about this wild world of try to conceive!! Love this!!
Good morning Alia Renee!
What a wonderful way to start my morning, with a great message like yours! I am so pleased to have you along for the journey. I hope you enjoy the site, a new post is coming tonight!
Love,
Unpregnant Chicken
Thank you for finding the strength and determination and the generosity to share what happened and is happening to you, fellow UNPREGNANT CHICKS! Then, reaching deeper to try to find the humor. ‘Cause really, for my husband and I, it’s the only thing that’s helped. We’re approaching our ten year anniversary in November. Laughter in the face of infertility’s heartless face keeps us moving forward. So here’s one for you: Yesterday, someone I hadn’t seen in twelve years asks me about kids… then (after we have discussed his five children) he makes the incredibly dumbass response: “Having kids in today’s world probably isn’t a good idea.” Annie, where’s my gun? This is a guy graduated from Berkeley… educated, usually pretty thoughtful, AND completely clueless how and what to say that wouldn’t be like carving my freaking heart out of my chest with his dull spoon of comfort. On top of his not knowing wtf to say, all of Facebook is kid, grandkid, greatgrandkid zone, and most of my family and friends have NO IDEA how to relate to this chickless chick. I can say ten years have dulled my immense grief and anger and (this sounds so horrible, but YES! envy), so that I can now hold a relative’s baby in my arms and feel a smile in my heart… rather than the desire to expunge their family from my vision, my social network, my every thought! I mean, what with most people having kids, this can create kind of a small set of friends and family, ya know? But seriously, it’s so hard when the cycle of grief surges or is triggered like yesterday. My happy erodes; for moments I forget to feel so extraordinary fortunate for my marriage and my art and my writing, ’cause the sinkhole has opened and I’m swallowed in grief, and like a coward I don’t want to be, I want to hide again. For my husband the grief was compartmentalized and packed away… way, oh, way, far, far, FAR away, says this infertile donkey. Oh still there, only, not something to be unpacked except if pressed, which does not bode our friendship well, if you hear what I’m laying down. Sleepless and searching past the sadness today, so that I can get to work creating something fun for children, which is what I do. Ha. I found this blog and other unpregnant chicks willing to share with me. We carry this together, my sister-chiks. So this one goes out to all ya’ll (Cali now, but originally from S.C.) who are further along in your journey, you’ve done the fertility stuff, the miscarriages, the crossing to the certitude you will not be a biological mom in this life, perhaps you’re like me, the grief lessens, the cycle not as intense with every turn. It will get better. You will be stronger. BRAVER. I try not to judge how dark or bitter or sad this can make someone. The darker your dark, baby, the brighter your light will shine when you pull through and find a different way to create with that beautiful voice and soul within you! I promise! With all my heart I pray for you to find your joy, to be happy, to know…. you are enough, even if you never become “mom.” I sincerely hope you do. Become mom. But if not, you most definitely are E-nuff. love. love. ever, love, el pollo en fuego (Aries chickless Chick)
I am so relieved to find a person with a similar outlook on this journey. While it’s a long, hard battle…it’s so awesome to find someone with a twisted sense of humour (like my own) to laugh with along the way.
Hello Kansas,
Not sure if that’s your name or where you hail from but WELCOME at any rate! I hope the blog gives you a few chuckles and more than a few causes to yell “HECK YES!” as you’re reading.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken
NAIL ON THE HEAD! I was about to write something similar myself!
Yesterday I saw a meme along the lines of “I used to think being a kid on Christmas was the most exciting time of my life, but now I know that having a kid on Christmas is a hundred times more exciting! Share if you’re a proud mum”
I’m like “shut up” seriously.
And then there’s the well intended friends who say things like “you’ll understand when you have kids”. Look, just because you pushed a child out does not mean you were given a magical key to a magical world that no one else can image of dream of. I get it! Kids are wonderful and magical and the best thing that ever happened to you. Dammit that’s why I want one!
However, don’t belittle me by saying “oh I’m exhausted. She kept me up all night” then look at me and say “you’ll understand when you have kids”
No… I understand now. Your kid kept you all up night crying or vomiting or whatever. It’s not rocket science
Laura,
BAHAHA! Yes exactly. It’s not HARD to understand. I have my masters for christ’s sake, I think I can keep up! *facepalm* Glad it resonated with you. Someone needs to develop a meme filter for Facebook pages IMHO.
XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken
Power that on the wrong entry. D’oh
Laura,
Meant it for “While I wait for my miracle”?
XOXO
Hi Kaeleigh,
If you want some IVF advice my email is attached. I’m turning into an old as I could figure out where the email direct button is. Ugh, olds.
Kelly
Hahah Kelly,
I see it. I acknowledge it. I will use it post haste to connect to you. Nice to not need snail mail though, eh? Even if we are “olds”.
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
As a woman who was unexpectedly blessed with a surprise first child after being told she was infertile, I can really appreciate where you’re coming from with this. It’s a nice read. We are trying for our second, and I’ll be damned if they can’t get me to drop another egg… 27 and I’ve ovulated once in my life apparently. Sigh. I’m glad to have the laughs while I get poked, prodded and drugged in anticipation of being fortunate enough to be blessed with another pregnancy. Hugs to you all.
Nicole,
It’s so hard to deal with when your young and should be super fertile! Hoping you are able to get another magic egg with your medical teams help.
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
yes.. this journey is hurtfull.. bookmark your blog.. thanks for sharing
Yusinta,
Welcome. Glad to have connected!
XOXXO,Unpregnant Chicken
Hi! I’ve nominated you for a Sisterhood of the World Blogger award! Check it out and post your own if you’d like: http://brollyinababyshower.com/2015/01/30/the-sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/
Brolly,
AHHHH Amazing!Thank you!
XOXXO,Unpregnant Chicken
Haha! I love this! And if I hear one more person say, “be grateful for what you do have and enjoy your time without a child right now…” I will punch them in the throat. Not really. But I would like to. 🙂
Mystic43,
Better yet, punch them right in the baby maker! Then they can experience all the joys of childlessness, too!! Win-win. 😉
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
Man oh man, is this ever refreshing!! The hubs and I have been on this road since Feb ’08 and after 2 years “off”, we’re just about ready to jump back on that horse. With IVF, nonetheless. Yeesh. I’m terrified but I’m really hoping to get through this leg of the journey with personality and self in tact so your approach is a very welcome breath of fresh air. Thank you!
Melissa,
Glad to have you hear with me! I am about to jump into IVF too! First time for me. Helps to be traversing it with awesome ladies doesn’t it?!
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
i am so glad I found this blog! I am sharing with my friends. I am hopeful for every couple and single trying so very hard just to have a family. It is a hard journey. Laughter is precious and good for the soul. Thanks for a good laugh!
Paula,
I am glad to have you along for the ride! I am glad you found some joy on these pages.
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
Just stumbled across this blog and its made me laugh out loud! Just about to start the IVF (in June) after a million tests. It’s so refreshing to have a blog like this! Loved the post about the meme, hit the nail on the head!
Sarah,
Glad to have you here! It is so helpful to find a good outlet during these times. IVF is intense. Fingers crossed you get a great result!
XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken
Hey there.. Just started following your blog all the way from India. Must say this is hilarious :-). Heartiest congtatulation on your bfp and all the best for your journey ahead
Theritzes,
How amazing! Glad to have you with me all the way from India! Glad I could make you laugh and thanks for the congratulations!
XOXXO, The Chicken
………….
Meteor sized curve ball … ‘thwak’ infertility!!!
Shit, shit, treble shit!!! With shit on top for good measure!!!
So glad I’ve finally found a site with a twist!
I relate and feel exactly the same. … alone!!!
Surrounded by friends and family who simply brushed shoulders as they and their significant others passed in the hallway .. boom a baby was created.
Well f me!!! I’ve obviously been doing it wrong!!!!
I’m thinking of starting an ivf fund whereby for every stupid, thoughtless or selfish comment I receive I put a pound in a jar. . Think I’d be half way there by now. ‘Just relax’, ‘you don’t need to have kids your always working anyway’, ‘you don’t want to be pregnant its a horrendous, debilitating disease (don’t you know)’.
Arggggggg, punch, punch, slap. … and BREATH.
I just want to run away and live in a cave – on my own! !!
Please keep me sane or at the very least less emotional! !
Jen (uk) xx
Jen,
Holy shit. That was seriously hysterical. I read it out loud to hubby and cackled away. I think the IVF jar is awesome.. better than a swear jar, anytime someone makes a stupid comment-25 cents, please. Hoping the blog can lend you some much needed support.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I went to fertility clinic and was told my husband has super sperm (actual words used) and I have no problems either so we are listed as unexplained infertility. Dr told me to come back in 6 months but she’d be surprised if I wasn’t pregnant before then……
Well SURPRIZE Dr!!! I’m going back next month.
Is it just me or is anyone else finding it amazing how many friends of friends have Been trying for years and they eventually conceived when they STOPPED trying!!? Was it a f€$*^€¥ immaculate conception!!? Saying that my hubby and I met friends yesterday who have managed to conceive by ‘accident’!!? Well I am the clumsiest person I know so where’s my oops-e-daisy baby??!
Don’t know which is worse although the latter is what had my cry myself to sleep last night so will go with that for now.
Really needed that rant xx
Need to vent,
Ugh. Been there. The amount of people I know who seem to slip, fall on a dick, and get pregnant… is MIND BLOWING. So sorry you’ve had such a shit day. I like your comment about needing to “stop trying” HA! Never thought of it that way, yes we’ll stop and then virgin Mary style it. HAHA Hope venting here helped a bit. I have written a few times on that. You’d like “something in the water” for sure.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I still get the “maybe you will get pregnant on your own” even after I tell them my husband has azoospermia (he is producing sperm, but he was born with their exit ramp). I have to bite my tongue every time. I just explain the problem a little clearer.
What I want to say is much more snarky. If I do get pregnant without IVF I will have a lot of explaining to do. Pretty much I either cheated or I am the new virigin Mary.
Un-Virgin Mary,
People can be so dense, can’t they?! I’m sorry the daft ones always seem to be the ones wanting to share their opinions. Hoping IVF is successful for you!
XOXXO, The Chicken
What a refreshing read. Glad to know I am not the only one. Love your sense of humor about it all.
Asheh,
I promise, you are far from alone! 1 in 6 in Canada, 1 in 8 in the USA, and 1 in 4 globally suffer from infertility. It is a real problem. Sending love and strength to you! Hoping all the best in your coming cycles.
XOXXO, The Chicken
So glad to have come across this website. The hubs and I haven’t started trying, but our good friend had go through painstaking years of trying with her husband and several hormonal treatments to get their little one. This helps me understand her feelings/story far better, which may be useful since I know they’d like to have more children.
TeeBee,
I’m glad you’ve found this site, too! What a great friend you are. I hope you find my journey interesting and enlightening.
Xoxox, The Chicken
just listened to you speak on the beat infertility podcast. brought to tears listening to your “words of hope” at the end of the interview. i was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve a few months ago and trying to figure out next steps. going the natural route at the moment with acupuncture & herbs while we figure out how to afford ivf. if one more person tells me to “just relax” and “stop stressing” i will probably start breaking shit 🙂
enjoying reading your blog and also hearing about your success. congrats!
best,
al
Allison,
YAY! I’m so glad it reached you that deeply. Getting that diagnosis is so heart breaking. I know. It’s a good idea to take some time to absorb it before moving forward with treatment. I swear Acu has helped me and made my IVF round so much better than it would have been otherwise. I think the next time someone says to relax you should break shit right over their head…. but thats just me 😉
Thank you! The Chicken
I’ve been searching online for MONTHS for decent blogs to help in this journey and just came across yours-bookmarked it right away and can’t wait to read more! Very real!
I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure last year at 29 and can relate to everything I’ve read so far. I was newly married and utterly shocked! The past year has been a journey of education, research, and trial & error with meds. Finally starting to feel like myself again.
I also swear like a trucker and would love to connect with you! A fellow Canadian, would be nice to chat further. Congrats on your pregnancy, your maternity photos are so beautiful!
Xo
Suse,
Thank you so much! I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis, POF at such a young age must have been a devastating blow. It can be totally shocking… I couldn’t wrap my head around having low egg numbers. It was so out of left field before I was even 30! I am glad you have been able to dive into the research and come out the other side a great health advocate for yourself. I am glad you are finding YOU again, it can be so easy to fucking lose it on this journey, it takes great strength to soldier on! Where in Canada are you located?
XOXXO, The Chicken
So true!
I’m in Toronto! Wish we were closer so we could meet! I’ll likely be picking your brain in the near future with some questions about IVF.
Thanks for the support!
xo
Suse,
I welcome any questions you have! Best of luck.
XOXXO, The Chicken
I was recently diagnosed as unexplained infertility. My doctor wants to go straight to IUI. I’m still unsure but also desperately want to be a mom.
Katie,
It is a very hard journey and I am so sorry you have found yourself here. I know that desperation. I hope that IUI can do it for you and that your doctor is wonderful.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Right there with you Katie; likewise the oh-so-helpful diagnosis of “unexplained infertility.” The letter I want to write…
Dear doctor,
What nutcase decided “unexplained infertility” is an actual diagnosis? I guess it sounds better on a form than, “she ain’t preggers; don’t know why”.
My infertility was freakin’ unexplained when I called to make that first appointment! *I* certainly didn’t know why I wasn’t getting pregnant. You don’t know why I’m not pregnant either? Fine; got that. But don’t pretend.
What’s the antonym of diagnosis? Because that’s what you gave me.
Sincerely, me
(By the way, I found the blog with a Google search for “infertility snark.” Shows up near the top of the page. Thanks, Kayleigh!)
I just have to leave a comment to say how much I love the title of your blog! YES!
Anna,
Thanks! I am fond of it myself.
XOXXO, The Chicken
Fresh