Oh. My. God. Everyone is pregnant. Literally EVERYONE… OK, not LITERALLY. I mean, not everyone on the street… but basically everyone I know. Almost all of my close friends in the city are now pregnant. The only ones that aren’t are the ones actively preventing.
There must be something in the water!
And its not just “in real life” either. My Twitter and Facebook feeds have been BLOWING UP with announcements. It’s a small miracle my phone hasn’t gone into diabetic shock from all the sickly, sweet announcements!
ARG! Deep breath in. This is what we train for.
As an infertile chick living in a fertile world I basically am on red alert for these kinds of announcements. Because the more I speculate that you’re knocked up the less likely it’ll be to blind side me later. So I can honestly say… Not drinking wine? Yes, I think you’re pregnant! No sushi for you? But they have your favorite roll! Definitely think you’re pregnant! So most of the time I am ready to deal with the onslaught when you finally decide to tell me. But it’s been harder the last few months. There have just been so many that I barely have time to recover before ANOTHER person is procreating!
This has lead to all kinds of situations where it’s awkward because I’m NOT pregnant. And the overall awkwardness doesn’t just affect the obvious pregnancy/birth announcements and baby showers either.
Take weddings, for example. I went to a wedding recently and, no joke, there was not a single non-pregnant woman at the table we were seated at. Just me. So super awkward! They are all gushing about babies and nurseries and the like and inevitably there is a pause…
“So…What have you been up to, Kaeleigh?”
“Oh, yeah? That is exciting…What’s it on? Maybe I can follow you!”
“Yeah you totally could! It’s on infertility! Because, you know… I’m infertile.” *I shift around uncomfortably in my seat while they try to find something kind to say*
At some point someone murmurs “It’ll happen eventually. I’m keeping everything crossed for you.”
*I smile and sigh* “So you’re going with green for the nursery? I’ve always been partial to grey chevron stripes, myself.”
Everyone visibly relaxes again. They don’t need to talk about it anymore. Let’s go back to talking about the adorable shoes your aunt bought for your baby. And I relax too, I hate being the center of attention because of this shit.
While I am thrilled for each and every single one of them I am also incredibly jealous. Especially because all of them got pregnant the month they started trying. Every single woman that I know, it turns out, is hyper fertile and just like sits next to a man on the subway and gets pregnant. So, because they are so hyper fertile, I’ve also had an unbelievable amount of announcements lately. That can also be really awkward. Since everyone knows we’re trying and will be closely monitoring my reaction.
Double crap, because I’m back on Clomid.
Have I said that I refer to it as “crying clomid”? No?! Oh, well, I do! It basically makes me a ball of nerves that is likely to dissolve into tears at any, and often every, moment. So you can see how having to deal with all of the new pregnancy announcements might be very difficult. Smart reader, you’d be right! I usually have an inner and outer response going for these kinds of things.
This is how that goes:
Smiling friend says, “I’m Pregnant!”
“Smile! Say congratulations… OMG, do NOT cry!”
“Smile harder you fool, make it reach your eyes!”
“Remember you love these women! Be excited for them!!”
“Be grateful they don’t have to hurt like you do.”
“OMG! I SAID DO NOT CRY!!”
“OMG that’s amazing! You must be thrilled!”
“Holy crap that was fast! I’m thrilled for you guys.”
“You’re thrilled… I’m thrilled… we’re ALL thrilled!”
“Babies!!” *Slightly hysterical laughter*
So, of course this is difficult to deal with. Especially in person! Note to those of you that haven’t announced yet… text or e-mail. PLEASE! But it’s even worse because all my newly pregnant friends… ALL OF THEM… are amazing women who have been my rock on this journey. So they KNOW that their announcements are likely painful for me. They have been understanding and very gentle in the ways they deliver it.
For example: One friend gave me a box of my favorite cookies with the sweetest note on it. Written “from” their first baby announcing that I would be an “Auntie” again. I mean… sweet and caring and … um… did I mention cookies? Another friend delayed announcing to me for almost five months! She was THAT concerned for my sanity… She was that desperate not to hurt me more than she had to.
They are all so worried about me. It’s so touching and so sweet. And it’s also so hard.
It’s hard because I want so badly to make them feel better. I WANT to be overjoyed for them. Truly. Babies are incredible! I WANT to feel thrilled, and excited, and giddy, and alive! I want to skip through the street with them after they tell me!
I want them to remember all of the nice things I said to them when they announced. I want them to remember that I was so happy for them and that I wasn’t the least bit bitchy… I don’t want them to remember that their second child’s imminent arrival sent me into heaving sobs! I don’t want them to know that their much wanted first child made me fall asleep crying for three nights and left me not wanting to leave my bed in the morning. These are horrible things! No one WANTS to feel like this! No one wants to dampen other people’s excitement with their shit! Unfortunately, these announcements often end up being a bittersweet mixture of both feelings.
I AM excited for them! But I usually do cry. The most I can hope for is it won’t be in front of them.
I do feel awe and wonder but also jealousy and pain.
So far it’s actually gone over pretty well. I have managed to say all of the right things and hopefully conveyed to them how exciting their news is. It hasn’t been easy to deal with. I won’t lie to you. But, it’s crucial that I do deal. It’s IMPORTANT to do this. To be a part of other peoples joy. This journey is lonely enough without losing your support circle on top of it! It’s not THEIR fault that they are fertile freaks and you can’t seem to conceive no matter what you try! It’s not fair, but that’s life! Sometimes them’s the breaks.
These are your friends, bad ass women who deserve your happiness! So fucking fake it if you need to!
-Tell them they look gorgeous.
-Ask about the nursery and due date.
-Try to lose yourself in their joy.
-Ask if there is anything that you can do for them. They’re pregnant, they have NEEDS!!
-Also, while you’re at it ask them if they wouldn’t mind bottling their water for you…
Since theirs is obviously chalk full of baby-making juice and your tap, through some blunder with the city, was not tied into this miraculous baby making system! They are awesome friends, remember… They will probably understand and do it for you.