Hello Lovelies,

Oh. My. God. Everyone is pregnant. Literally EVERYONE… OK, not LITERALLY. I mean, not everyone on the street… but basically everyone I know. Almost all of my close friends in the city are now pregnant. The only ones that aren’t are the ones actively preventing.

There must be something in the water!

And its not just “in real life” either. My Twitter and Facebook feeds have been BLOWING UP with announcements. It’s a small miracle my phone hasn’t gone into diabetic shock from all the sickly, sweet announcements!

ARG! Deep breath in. This is what we train for.

As an infertile chick living in a fertile world I basically am on red alert for these kinds of announcements. Because the more I speculate that you’re knocked up the less likely it’ll be to blind side me later. So I can honestly say… Not drinking wine? Yes, I think you’re pregnant! No sushi for you? But they have your favorite roll! Definitely think you’re pregnant! So most of the time I am ready to deal with the onslaught when you finally decide to tell me. But it’s been harder the last few months. There have just been so many that I barely have time to recover before ANOTHER person is procreating!

This has lead to all kinds of situations where it’s awkward because I’m NOT pregnant. And the overall awkwardness doesn’t just affect the obvious pregnancy/birth announcements and baby showers either.

Take weddings, for example. I went to a wedding recently and, no joke, there was not a single non-pregnant woman at the table we were seated at. Just me. So super awkward! They are all gushing about babies and nurseries and the like and inevitably there is a pause…

“So…What have you been up to, Kaeleigh?”

“Oh… me? You know just getting ready to step up treatment ‘cause we still aren’t pregnant. And, well, I’ve been writing my blog! So that’s kinda exciting actually!”

“Oh, yeah? That is exciting…What’s it on? Maybe I can follow you!”

“Yeah you totally could! It’s on infertility! Because, you know… I’m infertile.” *I shift around uncomfortably in my seat while they try to find something kind to say*

At some point someone murmurs “It’ll happen eventually. I’m keeping everything crossed for you.”

*I smile and sigh* “So you’re going with green for the nursery? I’ve always been partial to grey chevron stripes, myself.”

Everyone visibly relaxes again. They don’t need to talk about it anymore. Let’s go back to talking about the adorable shoes your aunt bought for your baby. And I relax too, I hate being the center of attention because of this shit.

While I am thrilled for each and every single one of them I am also incredibly jealous. Especially because all of them got pregnant the month they started trying. Every single woman that I know, it turns out, is hyper fertile and just like sits next to a man on the subway and gets pregnant. So, because they are so hyper fertile, I’ve also had an unbelievable amount of announcements lately. That can also be really awkward. Since everyone knows we’re trying and will be closely monitoring my reaction.

Crap.

Double crap, because I’m back on Clomid.

Have I said that I refer to it as “crying clomid”? No?! Oh, well, I do! It basically makes me a ball of nerves that is likely to dissolve into tears at any, and often every, moment. So you can see how having to deal with all of the new pregnancy announcements might be very difficult. Smart reader, you’d be right! I usually have an inner and outer response going for these kinds of things.

This is how that goes:
Smiling friend says, “I’m Pregnant!”

*Inside Voice*
“Smile! Say congratulations… OMG, do NOT cry!”

“Smile harder you fool, make it reach your eyes!”

“Remember you love these women! Be excited for them!!”

“Be grateful they don’t have to hurt like you do.”

“OMG! I SAID DO NOT CRY!!”

*Outside Voice*
“OMG that’s amazing! You must be thrilled!”

“Holy crap that was fast! I’m thrilled for you guys.”

“You’re thrilled… I’m thrilled… we’re ALL thrilled!”

“Babies!!” *Slightly hysterical laughter*

So, of course this is difficult to deal with.  Especially in person! Note to those of you that haven’t announced yet… text or e-mail. PLEASE! But it’s even worse because all my newly pregnant  friends… ALL OF THEM… are amazing women who have been my rock on this journey. So they KNOW that their announcements are likely painful for me. They have been understanding and very gentle in the ways they deliver it.

For example: One friend gave me a box of my favorite cookies with the sweetest note on it. Written “from” their first baby announcing that I would be an “Auntie” again. I mean… sweet and caring and … um… did I mention cookies?  Another  friend delayed announcing to me for almost five months! She was THAT concerned for my sanity… She was that desperate not to hurt me more than she had to.

They are all so worried about me. It’s so touching and so sweet. And it’s also so hard.

It’s hard because I want so badly to make them feel better. I WANT to be overjoyed for them. Truly. Babies are incredible! I WANT to feel thrilled, and excited, and giddy, and alive! I want to skip through the street with them after they tell me!

I want them to remember all of the nice things I said to them when they announced. I want them to remember that I was so happy for them and that I wasn’t the least bit bitchy… I don’t want them to remember that their second child’s imminent arrival sent me into heaving sobs! I don’t want them to  know that their much wanted first child made me fall asleep crying for three nights and left me not wanting to leave my bed in the morning. These are horrible things! No one WANTS to feel like this! No one wants to dampen other people’s excitement with their shit! Unfortunately, these announcements often end up being a bittersweet mixture of both feelings.

I AM excited for them! But I usually do cry. The most I can hope for is it won’t be in front of them.

I do feel awe and wonder but also jealousy and pain.

So far it’s actually gone over pretty well. I have managed to say all of the right things and hopefully conveyed to them how exciting their news is. It hasn’t been easy to deal with. I won’t lie to you.  But, it’s crucial that I do deal.  It’s IMPORTANT to do this. To be a part of other peoples joy. This journey is lonely enough without losing your support circle on top of it!  It’s not THEIR fault that they are fertile freaks and you can’t seem to conceive no matter what you try! It’s not fair, but that’s life! Sometimes them’s the breaks.

These are your friends, bad ass women who deserve your happiness! So fucking fake it if you need to!

-Tell them they look gorgeous.

-Ask about the nursery and due date.

-Try to lose yourself in their joy.

-Ask if there is anything that you can do for them. They’re pregnant, they have NEEDS!!

-Also, while you’re at it ask them if they wouldn’t mind bottling their water for you…

Since theirs is obviously chalk full of baby-making  juice and your tap, through some blunder with the city, was not tied into this miraculous baby making system! They are awesome friends, remember… They will probably understand and do it for you.

XOXXO,
Unpregnant Chicken

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30 thoughts on “Something In The Water

  • November 13, 2014 at 2:09 pm
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    Omg, that is my exact reaction when someone announces a pregnancy. I actually just read this post out loud to my partner and she agreed too!
    Nail on the head stuff. Well done!

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    • November 13, 2014 at 2:12 pm
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      Laura,
      Thanks! I feel like it’s all on a running loop in my head the last few weeks haha. SO MANY BABIES. I just keep hoping that the line is getting shorter and it means it’ll be my turn next. Please, pretty please, with a cherry on top.
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

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  • November 13, 2014 at 2:26 pm
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    Hilarious! I just love your outlook and humor! xo

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    • November 13, 2014 at 2:31 pm
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      Elisha,
      Thank you! I’m glad I could lighten your day!
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • November 13, 2014 at 2:42 pm
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    As always, love the humor on these tough aspects of infertility. I have not yet learned the gracious acceptance of the pregnancy announcements, nor the transitions into pregnancy/baby conversations. Trying to get there because you’re right, it is the right thing to support our friends, but I feel too fucked up to be there.

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    • November 13, 2014 at 2:51 pm
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      Nicole,
      It can be hard. SO SO SO hard. I sometimes just pretend we are discussing nurseries because we’re all having babies, that makes it less shit…. plus it’s not like I don’t have a whole Pintrest board of nurseries… Might use those ideas to discuss what I like! With some friends I tell them that I need space for a while. Then when I’m ready I ask them to share only the details I am comfortable with. It’s ok to set limits to protect yourself.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • November 13, 2014 at 2:54 pm
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    Love the inner and outer responses! Sound so familiar… And you’ve summarized my feelings so well with this post. Pretty sweet that you made me laugh a little while reading it, too! 🙂

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    • November 13, 2014 at 3:13 pm
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      Renuka,
      I’m so glad that it got a good chuckle out! Yeah it’s like being two faced only because your a good person… not a bad one!
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

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  • November 13, 2014 at 3:17 pm
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    I was there for years. I remember every single one of our couple friends had 1, 2 and even 3 pregnancies while we still longed for one. It was beyond devastating and the Clomid sure as hell didn’t help! Crying Clomid….yep! This blog made me a little teary with those heartwrenching memories.
    I never did get pregnant. I just couldn’t do the treatments anymore. One day I was just done. Years later I have the most beautiful adopted children, but I still get a tinge of sadness when I see a beautiful pregnant woman knowing I’ll never identify with that experience.
    At the end of the day, though, it was about being a mom. That was the goal and I achieved it! Keep your chin up and keep writing. What a great way to feel less alone in this journey. X

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    • November 13, 2014 at 5:31 pm
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      Amanda,
      Ah yes the crying clomid. Its so unfun and unfair! I am glad to hear that while you never achieved pregnancy you DID become a mother! And it sounds like more than once! I am sure you are so happy with your children and can’t imagine life without them. Which I guess means you wouldn’t change your life with infertility. This is a good thing. Gives me hope!
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

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  • November 13, 2014 at 5:54 pm
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    Hun you know I love you and you know how much I respect you and feel for you and support you on your journey! Always there for you and always appreciate your support! You are such an amAzingly strong woman and I have so much respect for you

    Reply
    • November 13, 2014 at 5:59 pm
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      Lisa,
      I do know! I hope you know the feeling is mutual! I love you and your kiddos. Maybe you could bottle me some water? Haha.
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • November 13, 2014 at 7:38 pm
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    Once again you’ve succeeded in writing just how I felt for years!!! I understand, and yup it’s awful. Set whatever rules and boundaries you need to help cope with the endless stream of announcements.

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    • November 13, 2014 at 8:04 pm
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      Elizabeth,
      Yup, for most of my now pregnant friends I have removed conditions and can talk about their pregnancies. But for a while there I was on a limited, need to know, basis. It is important to be vocal about your needs to them, in a kind way obviously. Also, thanks for the compliment!
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • November 16, 2014 at 8:12 am
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    My dear friend Elizabeth recommended your blog to me some time ago. I check in every couple of weeks and this post is one I can certainly relate to. I, too, am going through the endless stream of baby announcements. I had such guilt, especially in recent months, about not looking excited enough or feeling excited enough, so I’m glad to see I’m not the only one experiencing this. Thank you for helping me normalize how I’m feeling – you’re wonderful and I will share your blog with others along my journey.

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    • November 16, 2014 at 12:30 pm
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      Heather,
      I am so glad Elizabeth sent you my way! It helps so much to know that others are experiencing the same emotions that you are. I am glad I could let you into my head for a while and allow you to see that you are not alone. I happily welcome any of your friends who may also benefit from this space!
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • November 18, 2014 at 10:09 am
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    Yup. I am feelin’ this. I think we said the “I am rubber, you are glue” thing too much as kids, because everyone’s well-wishing for our fertility just bounces right off and sticks to everyone around us. I want to be glue now, though! GLUE!!

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    • November 18, 2014 at 1:51 pm
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      Second Voice,
      HAHA! GLUE GLUE GLUE!!! Glue, dammit!! *sigh* You make me smile so big. I adore you!
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
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  • February 6, 2015 at 6:35 pm
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    I just started reading this blog and this is already my second comment! These posts are just all so spot on to what I am feeling. I have been in the middle of my Clomid when a friend told me she was pregnant…it was SUCH A STRUGGLE to be happy and not cry. While I wish that you weren’t going through all of this, I am thankful that there are blogs like this to show us we are not alone!

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    • February 6, 2015 at 7:54 pm
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      Nicky,
      I’m so pleased you are finding so much to comment on! Please, keep em coming! You are far from alone. Being told WHILE on Clomid is very difficult. It mainly really fucking sucks all the time but add in the Clomid and WHAM.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • February 23, 2015 at 8:10 am
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    Oh can I relate!! I make a choice every day to be happy for other people’s pregnancies! I always give myself a few days to cry, be deeply sad and then I “put my big girl panties on” and move forward and truly be happy for them, because it is a wonderful thing! It’s amazing the emotions that we go through when we hear their happy news, sadness, jealousy, anger…it shouldn’t be that way but when you so desperately want that and can’t, it is what it is!
    Thanks for being do honest, you’re not alone in these feelings! ❤️

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    • February 23, 2015 at 8:19 am
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      Unattainable,
      Yes, completely. My poor “big girl panties” are wearing thin these days. I may have to get another pair, this one has really seen some damage!
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 12, 2015 at 11:41 pm
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    this happened *again* to me today. Forget the water supply, I am like some sort of joke’s on me Pregnancy Buddha. Just rub my non-pregnant belly and you will be pregnant! I’m down to one person in my circle who’s not pregnant and I know she’ll get there before me because things are decidedly in her favor-amongst other things, conveniently, her husband didn’t get diagnosed with cancer the day after they decided to start trying. In my head, of course I’m genuinely pleased for all my ladies-but in my heart, I’m totally feeling this post.

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    • March 13, 2015 at 7:03 am
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      It is,
      I hear that. Since I wrote this post two more friends fell pregnant. Again, first month of trying. UGH. I now have NO unpregnant friends in the city and only 2 out of all my friends near and far. It’s a lonely road. I feel ya.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
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  • July 16, 2015 at 12:54 pm
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    Holy cow this is spot on. My husband and I were hoping to have babies as soon as we could after we got married, and then right before our wedding I got really sick. Turned out to be the first flare of an autoimmune disorder that has necessitated 10 surgeries in the last 2 years. Needless to say, we have not even started trying yet as we are hoping for remission first. I don’t know when/if that will happen, or if I’ll be able to get pregnant once it does. Meanwhile, my almost 31-year-old biological clock is ticking louder and louder. Every pregnancy announcement fills me with both joy and sadness, although I get better at coping with each one. So happy your story has a happy ending, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed mine will too!

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    • July 20, 2015 at 8:46 am
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      Mimi,
      HA! Right?! I wrote this post a while ago and it is still so true that it hurts! I so hope that once your autoimmune issues are at a happy place you have no troubles conceiving. Wishing you all the luck going forward!
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
    • September 30, 2015 at 7:33 am
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      Suse,
      Thank you! I am glad you found it spoke to your soul! lol
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply

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