microblog_mondays

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Hey Lovelies,

Here I am again finding myself in the grey area between 12 weeks and 24… the dreadful 12 week span that happens when you are over the first trimester hump but your baby wouldn’t survive outside of your body. I found this time really challenging when I was pregnant with Bean Sprout and I am finding it even worse this time with Skywalker. Worse for a few reasons. First, because I have found this whole pregnancy to be more emotionally challenging than the first time. I was so sure IVF would work that when it did I felt really confident in Bean Sprout and that pregnancy. I had a hard time during these middle weeks but I mostly clung to my certainty that we’d earned this baby. This time I was thrown for the loop of finding out I was pregnant without expecting to be and I haven’t been able to fully recover my center since. The whole pregnancy just feels so much less certain. There’s no actual reason to feel like this but it’s hard to shake anyway.

Second, due to my still birthday training ( which has been amazing!) I now know that after 17 weeks but before 24 your baby is likely to be born alive but die shortly after. Ok, awesome. That would just about wreck anyone I think. Especially if born before 21 weeks when hospitals generally don’t even try to set you up with a NICU consult. TERROR. Feelings being what they are, and that is to say, not rational. I am pretty excited to get on with this part and hop on over into 24 week land. My only saving grace is that between week 17 and 24 I have 2 birthdays, a baby shower to attend and Christmas/new years. By the time all that has been had and I come up for air I will be in a much better spot for viability. The new year can’t get here fast enough.

XOXXO,

The Chicken

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4 thoughts on “Micro Post: Return To Grey

  • November 27, 2017 at 6:35 am
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    I know it’s hard but you got this! I am there every step with you.

    Reply
  • November 27, 2017 at 6:48 pm
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    Sorry you’re feeling this way. Second pregnancy “should” be easier, but I do get your reasons for feeling how you do. My first pregnancy was a surprising, shocking event following cancelled IVF cycle and I felt very similarly to you. Also although your motives for doing the stillbirth doula training are admirable, yikes, that would totally add to my anxiety during pregnancy. Wishing you peace and happier thoughts!

    Reply
  • November 28, 2017 at 8:03 am
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    If it could only happen to one of us…I’m glad it was you. Hang in there, kiddo. You’re a star.

    Reply
  • December 5, 2017 at 2:36 am
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    You’ve got this!
    I think the 24 week mark is a symbolic milestone and shouldn’t be taken too literally. You already are very close to the “we made it” sigh of relief.

    Reply

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