Oh. My. God. I have got some crazy baby fever going on right now! Like, honestly, I just wasted an entire hour that was supposed to be used to write this post by searching baby names endlessly on Google, Nameberry, and Babble. This is NOT what I should be doing with my time! I have no idea where it came from but all of a sudden I am just immersed in wanting another baby. I mean I already wanted to have a second child, that’s why we are pursuing the FET… But I didn’t have the salivating, ovary-hurting response to seeing babies as I do all of a sudden. I remember this feeling, I had it a lot at the start of our TTC journey, when the feelings were less tinged with uncertainty and sadness.
There are probably a few reasons why I feel like this:
- Bean Sprout is 15 months and decidedly a toddler. He started walking at 10 months, so now he’s running, jumping, and climbing. All that activity has leaned him right out and he looks so old now! No more baby chub, lanky toddlerhood is upon us. Now, don’t misunderstand, I actually LOVE toddlerhood far more than infancy, from 15 months-3 years is my FAVE, but there is something you come to miss when the chubby cheeked baby is all active and running away from your kissing efforts. It super doesn’t help that my news feed on Facebook is filled with the videos and pictures of him a year ago. HE WAS SUCH A SQUISH! It makes me yearn for a new one for sure… This must be why most kids are around 2 years apart. It’s around that point where you start to miss you little baby and think another might be fun. It all makes sense now.
2. It’s spring time: Fucking cue baby everything. Most animals do not have the benefit of central heating which is why most species proliferate in the early spring. They are painfully sweet-Big ol’ eyes, fluffy, chubby faces, minuscule in size. Ugh. BABIES!!!!
3. My peers are all reproducing like rabbits again: Honestly, everyone I know is pregnant, or just had a baby, or is actively trying. I’m a joiner guys, I do not want to be left out! Plus the rotation of baby showers, birthday parties, and pregnancy walks I’ve been doing with friends is nuts. The babies are everwhere y’all. They are following me! They know where I live!
4. We are gearing up for FET: So that means I have to start imagining and hoping that this will work. It makes it feel much more real, that we KNOW the FET is coming. And thus the closer it draws the more I’m like “Yes, yes, yes, ALL THE BABIES!” This is a good thing, it means that I will dive back into the uncertainty buffered by the belief that this is going to be awesome.
Mostly this is kind of a fun stage to be in again. When it just feels exciting and you dream of all the things your baby might be like, and what it would be like to be pregnant again, and how freaking cute they for sure will be, and what you could name them… I know this hope can be so fleeting and I know that it can wind up making things painful. But damn if I’m not a sucker for punishment and gonna enjoy it anyway!