*Trigger Warning: This post contains photographic evidence of my child. If you are not in a place where this cutefest is helpful I understand. *
I cannot even believe it… but a whole year has gone by and my Baby Bean Sprout is a having his first birthday this weekend! I don’t even know what to say, really, and I’m not often at a loss for words! I have gotten so emotional thinking about his upcoming birthday, every time I think about how big he’s gotten I cry. Every time I think about how much our lives have changed I cry. Every time I think about this huge milestone for both him and us I cry.
I’m crying now!
But what a year it has been! It did not start out easy. In fact, the first 3 months of motherhood was awful. Between feeding troubles, lack of sleep and postpartum hormone swings I was a fucking wreck. Honestly, I really straddled the line between what was normal and postpartum depression, it was a scary time, I was just lucky that it turned the corner and started improving before I had to seek medical assistance. Well, I was seeing my counselor, so I guess I mean before I needed drug therapy. But eventually the sun did come out again and Bean Sprout started evolving into more of a humanoid and less of a potato and things got more interesting.
He started to smile and coo and move. Watching the transformation was super interesting and fun! It’s hard to remember all of it clearly now that he is a walking, talking toddler. I am so thankful that we live in a digitial age where I have obsessively recorded everything on my phone for posterity. I have been scrolling through all the old stuff lately and just being overcome with how many changes occur in the first year. Being a baby is hard work!
It hasn’t all been glamorous. In fact I look like shit… honestly, I am still holding about 15 lbs from IVF/pregnancy, my hair is a mess, I hardly wear makeup and I almost never put on real clothes. But I am happy, most days, with this. Because my son is a super cool individual and I cannot imagine not having him!
This is where it gets sappy.
For so long we struggled to conceive. And for so long I was concerned I’d never get here. And sometimes I hold him and the fear just grabs me that it almost didn’t happen. And how could I not have him?! And then the gratitude hits and I hold him a little tighter and I try to find ways to be more present and cherish everything! Because, you guys, I was lucky, I had money and science on my side, and it helped to make me a mom.
And being his mom is everything.
Having him call my name and touch my face with his tiny hand is more than I could have imagined.
Here we are, one year later, a little rougher around the edges, but all still alive and thriving. And the first year was hard, but I’d never do it differently because now we get to go forward. He’ll be more independent every day. He’ll wake me less and less at night. He’ll soon be able to feed himself and make his own food. But you know what will never change? He will always be my baby! And I love him to bits!
Ok, *sniff*, enough of that… fuck. What a softy these hormones have made me! Now I better scamper off to finish getting things set up for his party, because we are far from the only people who love this little guy and we are going to have a house full. But, before I go, I wanted to share some photos from his cake smash photo shoot! Yes, I’m so freaking obnoxious with all the photo taking, I know. We did it for our announcement, and maternity, for his newborn and six month milestones… and now this! Gag! Hahahaha, you know you love it! And if you don’t, here is your chance to look away. Below are a few snaps from his First Birthday Shoot!
HERE IT COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAY
BABY PHOTOS ARE ON THEIR WAAAAAAY 😉
We are throwing him a mustache bash for his party, thus the mustache suit lol. What a crazy ride we’ve been on. The hubby and I are feeling beyond blessed and hope he knows now and forever how full he has made our hearts.
Happy Birthday, Baby Bean Sprout!