*Trigger Warning: Discusses my feelings on the holiday now that I’ve had the Bean Sprout. Even though I’m a cynic on this holiday, Mother’s Day can be really fucking hard when trying. Please take care of yourselves and only read if you feel able. XOXXO*
How is it even possible that I’ve never written about Mother’s Day?! Actually, I guess it makes sense. If you are infertile you likely closet yourself into a dark hole on that day and definitely stay the fuck off social media. So what would have been the point of writing a post no one wanted to read and having to put myself through social media torture to publish it? Ah, yes… that’s why I haven’t done this before!
Now, admittedly, Mother’s Day was never a painful trigger for me. My worst triggers were always my birthday and Christmas. I tried to mostly avoid Mother’s Day, really. But this year is different… I now qualify as a part of the totally underwhelmingly average fertile woman’s club. Or, put another way, now I’m a mom.
I mean, obviously, yay I have Bean Sprout! But do I really identify with this holiday now that I’m a mom? Hmmmm. Nope, not really. I mean, I hope that when he’s older and can make me macaroni cards I will be more likely to swoon about it. But, really, I always thought this was sort of silly. You pushed a baby out of your vag, or what have you, and now you get cake every year? Are we even sure you’re a COMPETENT mother? Never mind a great one deserving of cake?!
Perhaps this is a true hold over from my infertility journey. Whoop-dee-doo you boinked and popped out a kid. By all means, let’s celebrate your highly overrated ability to procreate! Should we celebrate the woman down the street who has four kids she doesn’t give a damn about? How about the socialite that hasn’t been home to kiss her child goodnight or read a story once in the last month? Does she deserve a card and cake?! GAH!!
Also, it’s a blatant card holiday. You know, like Valentine’s day… Invented for the express purpose to sell freaking kitschy, sappy, cards. Gag. So, if mother’s day is a trigger for you, I feel you sister. It triggers me, too. It triggers the rage!
Ahem. So, this mother’s day, as I celebrate with my long wanted baby, I will ponder what kind of a mother I am becoming. Do I deserve cake? Will my child be proud of the mother I am? Will he want to make me macaroni cards and buy me presents? Will I be worthy of this stupid ass holiday? I hope so. So, if you need me, I’ll be in the corner pondering that.