Update: This post was written before we embarked on IVF. As I have DOR I was incredibly concerned that it would not work out in our favor and that I might not get any eggs at all. Or that I would get eggs that were not usable quality. Being the planner that I am I decided that I would look into using donor eggs before I needed it. So that if it came up I would know what to do next. Lately, there has been a lot of chatter on social media and mainstream media about Egg Donation. It is something that people are definitely wondering a lot about. So I decided to post this one up even though it was written a few months ago. Here we go:
As we prepare for our IFV journey I have been giving a lot of thought to the lengths we would be willing to go to in order to have a family. Many long nights and teary thoughts and clear lines have been drawn. While I know, and respect, many people that have done more I think I am only willing to do 3 rounds of IVF.
My therapist has said it’s really good to go in knowing your limits. That way you don’t inadvertently spend more money and time than you are mentally and physically able to. I know that our drug company will cover a portion of the treatment costs for up to three rounds. I think that’s awesome, and I would not be willing to pursue treatment a fourth time at the full pop if the first three didn’t take. So three tries.
Turns out that’s our number.
Now knowing that I will only sign up for three tries it got me to pondering, what if the first or second round didn’t go well. Not just that we didn’t get pregnant. But what if my body craps out on me and I don’t get many eggs, or what if they just won’t fertilize or keep dividing? Would I be open to using donor eggs?
It turns out that, yes, I would. This is a little surprising for me because when we first went to the clinic and got diagnosed I discussed possible options with my awesome-sauce shrink. When she got to egg donation I seriously freaked out. I’m just being honest here, I was not open to it. Whatever the absolute opposite of open was, that was me. I couldn’t see how that would work for us. It was way beyond what I had ever considered being a possibility.
But over time my opinion of it shifted. Slowly, I began to be able to picture it more clearly and with less fear. Then, through the blog, I met quite a few ladies that were now pregnant through the use of donor eggs. Some used a known donor, others went through donor agencies just like you would for sperm. All of them were happy and pregnant. None of them felt any less connected to those babies they were growing. You still get to be pregnant, you still get to give birth, you still have the option to breastfeed.
And all of a sudden it was just really fucking cool!
This option extends the ability to be pregnant PAST your own IVF cycle capabilities. If IVF failed I would either have to accept never being pregnant and start the process of adoption, or, use donor eggs! In my mind it all clicked. I would like to try with donor if that was needed.
Now, even though I am open to using donor eggs, I am not willing to go over the three IVF cycles that we had already laid out. And by that I mean I am not willing to go past the 15,000 x 3 numerical number we had agreed to. The thing is, donor cycles cost more money. You have to pay the donor to get all the treatments, same as anyone else doing the first half of IVF, and then you have to purchase the eggs themselves and have them transported here. All of this usually runs between 6,000 to 10,000 dollars extra. So if we needed donor eggs we would probably only be doing two fresh cycles. The goal is to keep our monetary cap in mind and go from there. Using my eggs, or a donor’s.
Since I know already that I am open to this option and have already put a cap on the amount of money I would be willing to spend I have decided to start looking at donor banks.
Yes, before I know if my own eggs will work.
Yes, even though all test results point to my own eggs performing well.
Before we have done ANY IVF cycles at all.
I haven’t signed up to join any banks yet, I will after our first round if I need to… But I am taking the option very seriously. I have a list of the donor banks I have looked at, or heard good things about, bookmarked on my computer. I have a list of the donor profiles I like so far on a pad of paper beside me already. I want to be prepared.
I want to move on quickly if IVF1 is a crash and burn kinda thing. I really don’t want to waste more time grieving and THEN have to ponder donor eggs and then pick profiles. I want to be very proactive. So, hubby and I have been perusing the photos of these young nubile women and it’s become almost fun, actually. If a little bit creepy. Haha.
We have been going through the banks and I pick the ones that I like and then hubby and I go through the narrowed down list again together. Basically, then he decides if he’d be into her in real life or not and then I have a condensed list that we both agree on. This isn’t awkward because we’ve always been that couple that talks about who we find attractive. We’ve always been one to share our thoughts on members of the opposite sex.
For example: a typical movie used to go something like this “Do you think she’s hot?” “Meh. I wouldn’t do her, would you?” And so on. Now though it has progressed to an almost laughable level. Now when we watch a movie it’s become “Do you think she’s hot?” “Well, I wouldn’t buy her eggs…”
So… at least through all of this there is still humour! Egg buying is serious business, people. Especially living in Canada where you can’t buy Canadian eggs and we would have to IMPORT them from somewhere else. Typically the USA. But serious business or not I am exceedingly glad that we can find the fun in even this crazy part of the process. Even when talking about needing to BUY another woman’s eggs if mine aren’t strong or juicy enough, there is laughter. And that seriously gives me hope.
“Unpregnant” (At the time of writing) Chicken