microblog_mondays

Click on image to learn more about #MicroblogMondays.

*Disclaimer: I will very briefly touch on my pregnancy in this micro. I talk how pregnancy after infertility is still infertility. I know we just got through mother’s day, and you’re all still standing, so bravo! If you don’t feel like hearing about prego me feel free to check out now.*

Hey there Lovelies,

Where to begin? Well, let’s start with the obvious identity crisis shall we? Unpregnant Chicken no more. We’ve been struggling for 3 years to conceive and wound up needing the whole kit and caboodle to get here and … it’s still a little bit difficult to wrap my head around. I’m pregnant. So, am I still infertile? Things are progressing pretty well normally. Which is something I’m really not used to.

Seriously, it’s a crazy idea that really plays tricks with my mind. After being anything but normal while TTC I now get to be, pretty much, standardly pregnant.

I have all day morning sickness, though I haven’t barfed yet. I have heart burn and an upset stomach most days. My breasts are huge and sore and itchy-as-fuck… So, you know, just like any other prego at 9 weeks. Even though everything is very normal, having gone through infertility, I still find plenty to obsess over. I feel like I know altogether too much about things that can go wrong. I know about chromosome disorders that I had no clue existed before. I know people that have lost babies basically all the way through their pregnancies. I know people who have given birth to micro premies, or babies with rare scary genetic disorders. And so the idea of being completely care free is a hard one to navigate. So I think yes, although I’m pregnant, infertility is still playing a role.

I’m going to say it. I love my infertility. I love that it took this much for me to get here. I actually very much think infertility has been a positive force in my life. I sort of MADE it become positive. I’m grateful for my journey and who it has helped me become.

But… it has opened my eyes to things about pregnancy that I kind of wish I didn’t know. Now there’s no invisible line, like the viability ultrasound, or the 12 week mark, where I will just assume we are completely out of the woods. Never mind that now that I’m pregnant all the fertiles around me are coming out of the woodwork to tell me why this sucks and I made poor choices- more on this in a future post.

Right now I’m pregnant and things are normal. Baby is doing well and I am feeling like shit. All these things reassure me. But I may have to resort to being a hermit to keep semi inside my bubble for the next few months. I know enough already guys, I am already on heightened alert. I would just really like to pretend this is magical for a minute, ok? A magical time where I get to not eat anything, not even cinnamon buns, barf anyways and ache in weird spots. Ahhhhh… magical. So, now we just need to tell my brain to shut the fuck up!

😉
The Chicken

Tagged on:                 

28 thoughts on “Micro Post: Joy In A Limited Capacity

  • May 11, 2015 at 7:45 am
    Permalink

    Just wanted to leave you a message of support. I know others may disagree, but I say enjoy this time! Be happy and joyous. Share as much as you want to share. After all you’ve gone through to get here, you deserve to be excited. Fearing the worst won’t make the worst any easier. And if the worst does happen, you will be surrounded by support.

    I lost both of my pregnancies in their first trimesters. I don’t regret for a minute having had those weeks of happiness. And I don’t regret having told some friends and family that I was pregnant. They shared our joy with us…and when we lost our babies, they shared our sorrow and helped us through that dark time.

    I will be thinking of you and hoping only for the best. Be brave and happy. Congratulations and much joy to you and your husband!

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:49 pm
      Permalink

      Anna,
      Doing my best to enjoy it. Mostly succeeding… sometimes not lol.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 8:32 am
    Permalink

    I am glad to know you are expecting and here’s wishing you a health and a healthy baby! All will be fine..

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:49 pm
      Permalink

      Parul,
      Thank you! Read the back posts to get the feel for that.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 9:23 am
    Permalink

    Congratulations on the news of your pregnancy. Many well wishes for you and baby!

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:50 pm
      Permalink

      Jamie,
      Thanks.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 10:23 am
    Permalink

    Thank you so much for writing this! I feel exactly the same way and I have no idea how to handle it. I can go from insanely happy to scared out of my mind in a matter of seconds. I go from puking my guts out and feeling like complete and utter shit to feeling guilty for complaining when I have been waiting for this forever!
    Anyways, no words of advice just know that you’re not alone 🙂

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:51 pm
      Permalink

      Moira,
      Hey doll! Youll like an upcoming post I’m working on… I can tell lol. But yes it’s good to know I’m not alone.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 11:48 am
    Permalink

    You can complain, you can kvetch, and delight and be however you want to be – this is your time!

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:51 pm
      Permalink

      DeathStar,
      Thank you for the support, as always.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 11:50 am
    Permalink

    I, too, became a hermit early on in my pregnancy. I also didn’t share with anyone until 12 weeks (then it was just immediate family), after that slowly with co-workers and friends. It’s scary letting the world in because everyone wants to give their two cents (me included apparently ha ha). Infertility changes a person, and becoming pregnant does not erase it. You’re right, there is no magic line once you’ve become pregnant. Each milestone feels like a triumph but there is always worry. Just do you, feel what comes and take it one day at a time.

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:52 pm
      Permalink

      Infertile Girl,
      Everyone knows I’m pregnant. I am already showing enough to raise eyebrows even from those I don’t know. Yep taking it one day at a time. Hoping for more good days than bad.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 2:08 pm
    Permalink

    I think most people pregnant after infertility go through this in some form. Hopefully you have an uneventful pregnancy so that more fuel isn’t added to the anxiety fire. But sometimes you’ll probably just have to blow off steam! My advice is always not to sit on any anxiety: talk it out, get answers if possible.

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:53 pm
      Permalink

      Turtle,
      Agreed, hope the normalcy keeps up so that I can feel reassured that things are ok the whole way through.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 4:37 pm
    Permalink

    Been here. Felt very similar things. Many around me didn’t know I was pregnant until I really started to show. And even then, I kept things very quiet because I was terrified and because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s funny to have people coming up to me even now, expressing surprise. But I knew too much and wasn’t comfortable being so cavilier.

    Take it day by day. If the mood to celebrate hits, do it. But know that pregnancy after infertility is so different.

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:54 pm
      Permalink

      Cristy,
      My secret is out. Like out-out-out! I’ve had more celebratory days than not but I do NOT feel care free.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 6:41 pm
    Permalink

    You have to get through it any way that works for you. Ignore what you know, Google symptoms, worry, pretend… it’s all good and just different ways of getting you to the other side.

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:55 pm
      Permalink

      Mel,
      It’s like being on a life raft… just keep going, any way that you can.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 7:35 pm
    Permalink

    You made me laugh out loud! I’m glad you’re feeling like shit, that must be reassuring. I hope you feel better soon when it’s developmentally appropriate… 🙂 Who are these jokers coming out of the woodwork to judge your choices? Shame on them. I hope that you are enjoying this time and your right to kvetch like a “normal” pregnant person — your boobs aren’t any less swollen or itchy because you had to shoot yourself up to get here. I hope that you pass all those things you know too much about with flying colors, and can settle into that supposedly blissful second trimester in just a few short weeks!

    Reply
    • May 11, 2015 at 7:56 pm
      Permalink

      Jess,
      Totally the extra meds are NOT helping. I’ll be off supplemental stuff in just over two weeks. I am counting the hours.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
    • May 19, 2015 at 8:45 am
      Permalink

      Anamika,
      Thank you so much for your support!
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 11, 2015 at 11:37 pm
    Permalink

    Not read any comments yet… I could have written this post, I probably did during my first pregnancy! 3,5 years & eventually 3 IVFs before we got our bfp. That definitely puts our minds through a lot and we do end up knowing (too much) more than the average pregnant lady. It’s what makes our journey. For me, I told people “getting pregnant was the hard part”. And it was so true that first time around. My pregnancy was so easy and uncomplicated. May yours continue to be that way and enjoy it! Enjoy it as much as you can!!! you! are! pregnant!

    Reply
    • May 19, 2015 at 8:45 am
      Permalink

      JustHeather,
      Thanks! I am still pregnant so I keep reassuring myself.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 12, 2015 at 8:37 am
    Permalink

    Hang in there! It seems counter productive to whine about pregnancy symptoms when this is is what you begged for for so long. But you are human and pregnancy is not easy! You can vent and hate it all you want. We all know where your heart is.

    Reply
    • May 19, 2015 at 8:44 am
      Permalink

      Kim,
      Growing a human is hard work! With or without IVF. LOL
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply
  • May 13, 2015 at 7:20 pm
    Permalink

    I always think it’s unfair that after infertility you can’t just relax and enjoy the pregnancy. I can relate to relishing the normal. In my very brief second pregnancy, I was grateful for the nausea because it encouraged me that I was normal. For a while at least …

    Reply
    • May 19, 2015 at 8:43 am
      Permalink

      Mali,
      Trying my best to relish it.
      XOXXO, The Chicken

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *