*Disclaimer: I will very briefly touch on my pregnancy in this micro. I talk how pregnancy after infertility is still infertility. I know we just got through mother’s day, and you’re all still standing, so bravo! If you don’t feel like hearing about prego me feel free to check out now.*
Hey there Lovelies,
Where to begin? Well, let’s start with the obvious identity crisis shall we? Unpregnant Chicken no more. We’ve been struggling for 3 years to conceive and wound up needing the whole kit and caboodle to get here and … it’s still a little bit difficult to wrap my head around. I’m pregnant. So, am I still infertile? Things are progressing pretty well normally. Which is something I’m really not used to.
Seriously, it’s a crazy idea that really plays tricks with my mind. After being anything but normal while TTC I now get to be, pretty much, standardly pregnant.
I have all day morning sickness, though I haven’t barfed yet. I have heart burn and an upset stomach most days. My breasts are huge and sore and itchy-as-fuck… So, you know, just like any other prego at 9 weeks. Even though everything is very normal, having gone through infertility, I still find plenty to obsess over. I feel like I know altogether too much about things that can go wrong. I know about chromosome disorders that I had no clue existed before. I know people that have lost babies basically all the way through their pregnancies. I know people who have given birth to micro premies, or babies with rare scary genetic disorders. And so the idea of being completely care free is a hard one to navigate. So I think yes, although I’m pregnant, infertility is still playing a role.
I’m going to say it. I love my infertility. I love that it took this much for me to get here. I actually very much think infertility has been a positive force in my life. I sort of MADE it become positive. I’m grateful for my journey and who it has helped me become.
But… it has opened my eyes to things about pregnancy that I kind of wish I didn’t know. Now there’s no invisible line, like the viability ultrasound, or the 12 week mark, where I will just assume we are completely out of the woods. Never mind that now that I’m pregnant all the fertiles around me are coming out of the woodwork to tell me why this sucks and I made poor choices- more on this in a future post.
Right now I’m pregnant and things are normal. Baby is doing well and I am feeling like shit. All these things reassure me. But I may have to resort to being a hermit to keep semi inside my bubble for the next few months. I know enough already guys, I am already on heightened alert. I would just really like to pretend this is magical for a minute, ok? A magical time where I get to not eat anything, not even cinnamon buns, barf anyways and ache in weird spots. Ahhhhh… magical. So, now we just need to tell my brain to shut the fuck up!