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Hey Lovelies,

Ok… time to come clean. I’m fucking losing it. The period between egg retrieval and embryo transfer is torture. When you know that, in a lab somewhere, your precious embryo-babies exist.  Those babies that you’ve been aching for, literally, for years. I’m not handling it well. I’m handling it even worse because I feel I’m expected to pass along every scrap of information I have. At all times. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I know anything tangible yet!

I haven’t researched this or gone through this before. I’m learning as I go, clumsily.

I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t have a crystal ball, I wish I knew how it would pan out!

Honestly, it’s enough work to try to hold my shit together in general right now. I can’t mentally handle having to field questions all day long on top of that. Questions about fertilization, or cell division, or how many embryos are still alive. Those are like living things in my mind, people! It’s scary and depressing to keep analyzing them for signs of death! I would like it very much if none would die, but that’s not reality.

And yet, I know that people want to know how things are going. Because of my break down I’m sure you assume it’s not going very well. But that’s not correct. Here’s the info I’m willing to share: We still have embryos growing. We’re lucky and all of them are excellent quality… That’s it.

I very much want to be open about the IVF process, to be informative, because people need this information. I also really want to share my personal story. I promise! That’s why I started this blog in the first place. But right now it’s all too close, and too raw, and too scary.  So, at this time, I need to institute a bit of radio silence. Just for a little while. To take some time just for me and my little family.

Right now I can’t focus on teaching, or advocating, or leading. All I have space for is this life we’re trying to bring into the world.

I thank you all so much for your support and prayers and love. The hubby and I really appreciate it. Please trust that I’ll update you further as I gain some distance and have some time to wrap my own head around it all. But for now I need to breathe.

I’ll be back soon.  Then I’ll fill you in on all things gnarly and interesting about this process. I just can’t do it at this moment.

Hoping you understand,
Unpregnant Chicken

P.S. I’ll likely continue to post things occasionally to Twitter because that infertile community is better than Google at helping me understand this shit. If you are DYING for information feel free to stalk my tweets on there.

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30 thoughts on “Micro Post: Radio Silence

  • March 30, 2015 at 7:57 am
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    Absrnce makes the heart grow fonder 🙂

    Glad you’re taking time to focus on your “growing” family. I would be losing it too if I was in the same position! Fingers n toes crossed for you. Love n hugs n warm sappy thoughts coming your way.

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:38 am
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      Renuka,
      Yes, “absrnce” DOES make the heart fonder! 😉 I appreciate the sappy thoughts.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 8:17 am
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    Absolutely makes sense! I write when I feel the need to write, and I keep quiet when I don’t. You don’t owe anyone information in “real time”. Take your time and write back when you feel like it. Enjoy it, stress about it, live it! Whatever you feel like doing is the right thing!.

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:40 am
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      Amanda,
      It’s hard because I like my strict schedule of twice a week but sometimes it’s not feasible. Too many emotions during the embryo updates stage to keep it together.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
      • April 9, 2015 at 1:19 pm
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        I totally get you. I didn’t have many people asking and still was going crazy. It didn’t work for me, but I hope it works for you. It’s really hard to make it all the way here and still get a negative result. Enough for me not to pursue IVF anymore.

        Reply
        • April 9, 2015 at 3:12 pm
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          Amanda,
          I am so sorry to hear that. It’s a crazy ride. Hoping for peace and happiness for you in your decision.
          XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

          Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 10:04 am
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    Shucks, you don’t owe anybody anything. Do what is right for you and your family. I am wishing many good things for you and your little embies!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:40 am
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      Turtle,
      Thanks girl.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 10:16 am
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    *hugs* know that we will be here waiting when you get back but it is SO important to take care of yourself right now and not worry about getting everything out right away. I look forward to your return and will be sending up prayers for you and your embryos!!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:41 am
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      Mrs V,
      I appreciate the prayers and am happy to be feeling up to posting again.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 10:49 am
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    I went crazy too. So do what you need to do to get through this time. I’m sending grow vibes to your embies and rooting for the whole Chicken clan!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:42 am
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      Cristy,
      Thanks. I didn’t anticipate this time to be so emotional to be honest. I was WAY more overwhelmed than I expected.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 2:32 pm
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    Hi

    I would have to agree that this was the most challenging part. Do your best to stay calm and relaxed which I know is easier said than done ; )

    My fingers are crossed and wishing you all the success in the world.

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:42 am
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      Jocelyn,
      Thanks for the support. The calls every day were the most scary thing I’ve ever had to go through.
      XOXXO,Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 3:33 pm
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    gosh girl, we love you when you’re talking and when you’re silent. We all want to support you any way we can, and anyone who knows anything about you will have nothing but respect for the time you need to process everything. We love you!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:43 am
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      Amanda,
      Thanks, hun. I appreciate it.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 7:50 pm
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    You need to do what you need to do to get through this. No worries. And hang in there.

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:49 am
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      Mel,
      Thanks. Sometimes I forget to put me and the actual journey first. Silly, Kaeleigh…
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:50 am
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      Claire,
      I loved the video. Thank you. It was very helpful and so thoughtful!
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • April 3, 2015 at 9:26 pm
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    I follow your blog because I grew up with your husband! I hope this works out and I hope you guys go on to having a litter of babies! Thinking of both of you!
    Rachel sydora

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:55 am
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      Rachel,
      Small world! LOL we’re hoping for one or two, not a litter, but thanks for the positive thoughts!
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken and Hubby.

      Reply
  • April 5, 2015 at 9:45 pm
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    Wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. It is a hard time and it is a time that you want to just process yourself. Its hard because others want to know but you aren’t ready. Do what you need to do and others will find out when you are ready.

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:57 am
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      Hallie,
      Yeah I have come to the conclusion that I need to be in charge of the information I share more closely and only release it when I’m totally ready.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • April 6, 2015 at 12:29 pm
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    I just wanted to wish you lots of luck and love on this IVF journey. I am a fellow blogger in Calgary who just went through IVF in early March. It is one of the hardest things I have done mentally/emotionally. You are courageous and brave. Good luck!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:58 am
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      ValleyAlly,
      Hello and welcome! Glad to see another Calgary face on here! Luck to you as well, I hope that it worked out well for you.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • April 6, 2015 at 6:58 pm
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    Hello. I’ve been following this blog since I started going through my IVf treatment back in November (found you via Stirrup Queens). I hope everything is going well. I remember the wait between my IVF and FET. Originally we weren’t going to freeze any but I ended up getting OHSS because my IVF was a little too successful so the time frame leaped from a few days to a month and a half. Hang in there!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 10:59 am
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      Nicole,
      So difficult! I am glad we got to do fresh transfer. I would have probably gone crazy if I’d had to take a month or more off in between!
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
  • April 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm
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    Oh sweetie!! This hurts my heart to read this!! Just please know you and your hubby and your future miracle babies are all in my thoughts and prayers!! Take the time you need and deserve and your follows and fans will be here when you come back. Stay strong for yourself and focus all your beautiful energy inside, where it needs to be right now. Just please remember to NEVER give up!! Miracles happen and I’m praying yours is coming any day now!

    Reply
    • April 8, 2015 at 8:05 pm
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      Alia Renee,
      Thank you for keeping us in your heart at this time. It feels so hard some times to stay positive but we are giving it all we have.
      XOXXO, Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply

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