Hello lovelies!

So, as I mentioned in a previous post I am on holidays. We are on holidays. My husband and I are away from home for two weeks. We will be going one province over into the mountains to catch lots of sun, fun and relaxation. It should be great! Because: we get to catch up with family. Get to tan. Get to do whatever we feel like most days without regard for anything. Huzzah!

Downside: we are still trying. And. I will be ovulating while we are away.

AWESOME! My brain screams. People get knocked up all the time on holidays, its supposedly one of the “magical cures” to infertility. I mean it certainly can’t hurt! But, I have news for you, trying to conceive is basically the opposite of relaxing. I can hear you already, dear reader, as you scream at your screens.

“So don’t try this month… put it on hold. You deserve it girl. Let loose and let go!”

Totally! I agree. But I’m on my second round of Clomid this month and due to depleted egg reserves the Fertility guru says that we don’t have time to waste. So I took the Clomid even though I knew we would have to keep trying, even on holidays. This has actually led to some ridiculous scenarios over the course of these two weeks. And so I present to you my list of 7 reasons  trying on holidays is the opposite of relaxing:

1. In-laws!! How do I put this differently ….We. Are. Staying. With. Our. Parents. Also they know that we are trying. And they KNOW how babies are made. UGH.

2. You are so much more busy than normal and so, SO much more tired by the time you go to bed. Also, since you are visiting, “bed” is a loose approximation of somewhere between midnight and five am. Also, you may or may not be bunking with your relative’s small children.

3. Taking a “nap” mid-afternoon to take advantage of higher energy levels, and therefore more interesting sexual epics, leads to knowing looks and guffaws from said in-laws.

4. Don’t even think about trying to escape the house altogether. Let me prepare you, the beach is a difficult place to have sex. I have had sand in my ass and then road rash on my ass, due to trying to avoid sand in my ass and choosing a gorgeous flat rock the second time! Yeah, great idea!

5. Everywhere, besides my hometown, is apparently super magically fertile. Did you know how many children were conceived at my relative’s places?! I didn’t either. I wish I still didn’t. But surely if we sex like bunnies while vacationing at their place we will conceive.

6. How they basically wait with baited breath for any clue that you might have just done it. I don’t know if they are worried we are doing it wrong, or what, but it’s very creepy. And very gross.

7. Dehydration is basically the killing blow for sperm and enjoyably slippery lady-bits. So, remember to drink water constantly while on a boat, at water-falls, on hikes, at the beach. Want to get a sticky bean? Better become a fucking camel.

I hope this gave you some insight into the last few weeks of my life, reader, and a hearty laugh to boot! It was actually pretty hysterical, once it stopped being annoyingly complicated. We hit most of our target days. So fingers crossed. Can you just imagine the smug reactions from the relatives if they were to discover we also conceived at their house!? Gag.

Love,
Unpregnant chicken

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9 thoughts on “7 Reasons Trying on Holidays Sucks

  • September 10, 2014 at 6:32 pm
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    This is great. Number 4 made me laugh!

    Reply
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  • September 27, 2014 at 9:33 am
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    Ohhhh god girl you make me laugh. The sticky bean and fucking camel just killed me! Good work on making fun of all the shit you have to go through!

    Reply
    • September 27, 2014 at 11:27 am
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      Thank you Madison!

      I’m glad that you found the post funny! It is so much better to laugh at the whole thing… I have gotten very sick of crying.

      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken!

      Reply
  • September 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm
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    That was really quite entertaining! Definitely was laughing out loud when I read some of those 🙂

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    • September 30, 2014 at 2:08 pm
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      Renuka,
      HAHA! Yeah, trust me it was just as entertaining to live it! Glad I was able to make you laugh. Too bad it didn’t work that month! Maybe it was just missing owls. 🙂
      XOXXO Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply
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    • November 7, 2014 at 7:18 am
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      Stephanie,
      Huzzah! Glad it resonated with you. The whole time I was watching your video I was like omg I so get it!Haha
      Xoxxo Unpregnant Chicken

      Reply

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